A Year On…….

Its been 10 months since this photo was taken way back in January. On some levels it feels like a life time has past, on others, it feels like its been a blink of an eye.

A Year Of IF Treatments

Between the 8 of us, we have amassed a number of timed, medicated cycles, two IUI’s, 8 IVF’s/FET’s/GIFTs, 2 donor egg cycles, about R500 000 and an immeasurable amount of heart ache and heart break with very little joy. Out of the 14+ cycles in the last 10 months,  represented by us women here only 4 resulted in positive pregnancy tests and of the 4 only one has resulted in a pregnancy that past the 12 week/first trimester mark and 3 resulted in first trimester miscarriages and one in the loss of a triplet. And yes for the person who is incessantly googling “Maritza from Fertilicare pregnant with triplets”, that would be our friend Maritza who lost one of her triplets.

Of the 8 of us, one is still pregnant, 3 will have to use donor eggs, one of us has been told to use a surrogatete and two of us have given up completely on treatment, two of us are pursuing adoption and one has chosen to live child free.

What a devastating statistic. So little success, so little joy after so much hard work, pain, sacrifice and discomfort. When I look at the stats all layed out like that, I can’t help having peace with my choice not to continue on with treatment.

When I look at that photo, my heart is overwhelmed by sadness, when I see the smiles on our faces I marvel at what an incredibly brave bunch of women we are, but I am crushed by the difficult hand we’ve been dealt. My 7+ years of infertility has taught me that the longer one seems to try the less chance there seems to be for success. Its always the younger women, the ones who haven’t been trying as long that lap us at the finish line. In this group of women, there is one who has tried for 10 years, one who has tried for 7 & a half years, one who has tried for over 6 years and so it goes down. Its interesting that the ones that have given up are the ones who have been trying for 6 years and upwards. Just between the 3 of us, we have more tha 23 years of TTC combined!!!!!

Yesterday, Monday, 2nd of November was supposed to be my first antenatal visit, I would have been 7 weeks pregnant. I can’t help but think about all the could have/should have beens. Not just of what yesterday should have been but of all the could have/should have beens that I see masked in the smiles of my infertility sista’s eyes.

And it makes me extremely sad.

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  • Reply Lea White

    You are all such amazing women and such an inspiration to others out there. And when I look at the photo, I see women who are able to smile despite the hurt and the pain and the challenges. I see women who are able to stand tall and live life and that is such a great example to many of us out there.

    November 3, 2009 at 5:11 am
  • Reply Kristin

    Oh honey, what a devastating bunch of statistics. It truly breaks my heart to read all of that. I hope the future brings all of you joy and happiness. {{{Hugs}}}

    November 3, 2009 at 6:54 am
  • Reply Sian

    Ah man! You make me wanna cry this morning. It has defiantly been quite a year. Even though it has been a sad one, I’m so glad that I have met all of these woman.

    I was actually looking at this pic on FB the other day and thinking – I didn’t know the pain that was coming. I hope to look at pics in the future and think about joy in our lives.

    November 3, 2009 at 7:46 am
  • Reply Pamela

    I wish you all peace and a path away from struggle and on to happiness.

    November 3, 2009 at 7:53 am
  • Reply Rach

    Ahhh what horrible statistic to emerge from that photograph.

    When I look at that photo I see a group of women who are brave, strong and determine to chase their dream, all who would look so beautiful and so natural holding a baby in their arms. It breaks my heart to look at that photo and think that may not happen for some of you.


    November 3, 2009 at 9:09 am
  • Reply Jenny

    Wow Sharon. This post really touched me. Not much else to say.

    November 3, 2009 at 10:51 am
  • Reply SCY

    *sigh* When you lay it out like this the stats are not great at all.

    But I would prefer to focus on the love, support and friendships we’ve garnered through the stats. The strength, the willfulness, the compassion, the love.

    I hope and pray that you will hold your child in your arms my friend.


    November 3, 2009 at 11:13 am
  • Reply Tam

    Sjoe, this is scary Shaz. It’s actually a very disturbing post for me but we WILL get thru this. I still have hope that things will change.

    I look at this photo and yes, we have a lot of hope in our eyes even tho we already knew the heartache that infertility brings us, we thought that this last year would change all that.

    I have to keep hoping, for my sanity that this next year will bring us that happiness. I really am glad that the one thing that has come out of this is the wonderful friendships that we have now. I love all of you dearly and only hope for the best for all of us, this too shall pass xxx

    November 3, 2009 at 11:33 am
  • Reply Kirsty

    And I have met every single one of those amazingly brave, beautiful, smiling ladies in that photo!
    And – I love you all x-x-x
    I would grant you ALL your one wish in a heart beat x
    Thinking of you x-x I hope the better days are more than the black days over the next few months x

    November 3, 2009 at 12:22 pm
  • Reply Misty

    Wow, the stats put out like that is shocking. But even though they aren’t good, I’m still doing a ZIFT this month. Are we IF’s crazy or what?
    See, I read the stats for this stunning group of women and although just one has been succesful so far, I have to hope that I’m that one this month
    Where does the hope begin and fear end?

    November 3, 2009 at 1:50 pm
  • Reply Lynese

    Warrior women. Every one of you.

    November 3, 2009 at 1:58 pm
  • Reply Abs

    Wow, very scary stats Shaz. My heart wants to break in a million peaces for all the woman who are denied the gift of motherhood. It is such a hard road to walk. Each and every one of the ladies in that picture can be proud of what they have endured and the woman they have become as a result of thier suffering. Each one of you is so special in so many ways and I’ll never give up hoping for happy endings for us all. xxx

    November 3, 2009 at 2:23 pm
  • Reply Abs

    Lol….pieces I mean….oops ;0)

    November 3, 2009 at 2:28 pm
  • Reply Susan

    Thank you for posting this. This was a wake-up call for me. You are so right about the statistics and it was a real eye-opener in my own continual quest for a baby. The odds are really not in my favor either and it saddens me to see such a group of beautiful women going through such a tough journey.

    November 3, 2009 at 4:05 pm
  • Reply C

    Those stats are so scary, it is incredibly sad that so many of us seem to be on the wrong side of the stats. I pray that it turns and that you all have success and somehow get to become mothers.

    November 3, 2009 at 9:22 pm
  • Reply Elize

    It makes me sad too. Laying it out like that really gives me perspective and enforces the fact that I made the right choice.

    November 4, 2009 at 11:27 am
  • Reply For my Sista’s « Skrambled

    […] my Sista’s Posted on November 5, 2009 by skrambled Shaz’s post really spoke to me the other day. It took me back to the beginning of the year, when we were […]

    November 5, 2009 at 7:53 am
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