All I want for Christmas is a baby!

Yup, you guessed it, my Christmas pressie to myself from myself and my hubbie and too my hubbie from himself and from me is……….. IVF!

And its really becoming a grudge purchase now. I’m so bummed that yet again, we’re spending another lean Christmas, counting pennies, scraping cents and watching our spending because, as was the case for the last 4 years, we’re saving for Fertility treatment in the new year. And I can really see its starting to take its toll on W as well. Every year, we start out the year thinking about what we’re going to do with our bonuses and every year we land up doing the same thing, spending it on treatment. No lavish Christmas presents, no expensive holidays, just watching the money going into our savings account.  The worst part is that I’m totally unmotivated to save at the moment as well, last month I set aside R5 000 for our IVF savings kitty and then landed up spending it on all kinds of crap. So we officially have……….. R0 saved for our IVF which was originally planned for January.

We had a long discussion about it last night and have decided to push out our IVF till March next year, for a bunch of reasons. Firstly, because we need to save the R35K first, with our bonuses and other savings, we’ll have enough money saved by mid January. Secondly, everybody in the entire world seems to be planning an IVF in January, this means that the clinic will be stretched to the limit and there will be long waiting periods for scans and medication dispensing and to be honest, I just don’t have the patience for that. I know I’m going to battle serious left behind syndrome come January, when every one starts there treatment and we don’t, but I just don’t feel like the timing would be right for me. Thirdly, I’d really like to enjoy Christmas with my family. For the last few years, I’ve spend the festive season not partaking in any of the over indulgences because I was watching my diet and alcohol intake in prep for IVF. This year, I really want to let my hair down, I want to enjoy the food, wine and festivities without feeling guilty about possibly doing something that could jeopardize my up coming IVF.

Lastly, and some of you will probably think I’m completley nuts, but lastly, I want to push out my IVF because I’m still hoping and believing in a miracle pregnancy with no medical intervention. I know I know, I’m completley nuts, we’ve been trying naturally since April this year and so far nothing has happened, its never taken this long to fall pregnant naturally before, I’m 36 years old, my natural fertility has taken a nose dive in the past year or so, so there’s no reason to believe it will happen by itself, but somehow, some part of me is still believing………..