I finally got my act together, sat down this weekend and completed all of our paperwork for our second adoption application.  I’m only about 3 months late but at least it’s now finished.

We also received notification from our SW’s about changes in the procedure due to the new child act. We are required to complete a Form 30 to confirm that our names do not appear on the Child Protection Registry and apparently this process can take up to 5 months, how, I’m not exactly sure, but yes, it takes that long to check that someone’s name doesn’t appear. I’d put it down to the frustrations of dealing with any government department.

We’re also required to prove that our names do not appear on the Sexual Offenders Registry but get this… gotta love this bit… the Sexual Offenders Registry is NOT YET in existence in South Africa. I mean really??? So should we be selected at some point in the next few months, there is yet another stumbling block to hold back the finalization of the process!

I’m feeling kind of ambivalent about our application. I’m excited about the prospect of another baby, there’s definitely a sense of longing for another baby, one that grows more and more the faster Ava grows and the more she moves away from babyhood.  But I’m also a little afraid. Afraid of the whole process because it’s quite terrifying, really one has to put oneself out there and be at the mercy of the adoption process, a process where adoptive parents have very few rights until all is finalized and also a little afraid of coping with a second baby, something I’ve written about before.

We’ve been on the waiting list for 3 months now. Last time around, at this point, we already had an 8 week old baby. Its hard not to get impatient and I find myself working hard at maintaining a sense of balance in my approach, in controlling my panic and feelings of longing so that it doesn’t overwhelm me. But there are times, like this morning when I sent off the last of our paperwork, where I feel just a little bit hopeless. And then there are other times where it just feels like a given, like somewhere deep inside me I’m sure and confident and believe 100% that we will be chosen again and that there is another baby meant for us, on its way to us. And then I find myself getting a little excited. The magic of adoption is that one doesn’t ever know, our baby could have been conceived already. We could be an hour or a day away from hearing the wonderful news of the impending birth or our child, Ava’s sibling.

It’s all such a jumble of emotions and its such a tight rope of managing my emotions while fulfilling all the legal requirements and not feeling resentful that because of some twist of fate or greater plan, we are required, in the finest detail, to prove what worthy parents we would be, when others who would fail miserably in their applications to become parents, fall pregnant and have children that they are not suitable to parent. But that’s another story for another day and a point I try not to dwell on. If I spent my life lamenting how unfair that some have babies when others don’t and some of us have to go through so much to enjoy the privilege of parenting while others have a seemingly easy journey, well, I’d be a very bitter and twisted individual and frankly life is too short and I have too much to be thankful for!

But one day, we’ll know for sure!