An Examination of Consciense

Fatherhood seems to be having that effect on Walter. He seems to have been spending a lot of time thinking about his own life, since becoming a father. More especially, he seems to have been thinking about the impact he has had on others during the course of his life.

So yesterday morning, while watching Ava entertain herself on the carpet and sipping our morning coffee, he suddenly blurts out:

“I was a real shit!”

When I asked him what he was talking about he told me he was most concerned about raising a daughter knowing what a little shit he was as a teenage boy. How he was convinced that all parents out there must have hated him and how Ava needed to be protected from boys just like him.

He went on to tell me that he feels so guilty now, as a father of a baby girl, for all the girls he must have hurt when he was growing up. How all he was interested in, as a teenage boy, was how many cigarette’s he could secretly smoke, beers he could secretly drink and how many girls he could kiss and grope on the weekends and how this must have affected them.

He is most concerned about his daughter being exposed to boys and has gone so far as to say that she may not date anyone till she’s at least 30! πŸ˜‰

Its probably a good thing then that I’ve bought us the book – Bringing Up Girls by Dr James Dobson. Because it would seem that Walter’s relationship with Ava will ultimatley shape the relationship’s she has with men when she starts growing up. Her relationship with him will give her confidence and ultimatley help her choose the right life partner for herself – one that will love, honor and respect her.

Raising children is such a massive responsibility and there are so many things to think about, things that don’t even cross ones mind while still in the trying phase.

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  • Reply waiting4amiracle

    You are absolutely right. Our parents have a massive effect on our self esteem and the way we see the world. I think it is great that you are reading the book in the first place.

    October 4, 2010 at 2:42 pm
  • Reply little29

    I think a lot of dads have that same realisation
    as W when they have a child! Especially a girl! My
    Hubby always says with a boy you only have one penis
    to worry about but with a girl you have everyone elses
    Penis’s to worry about! πŸ™‚ as far as I am concerned boy or girl
    you do your best to protect them.. And just looking at that pic
    Of W and Ava he is going to be a fantastic
    Dad! (Sorry about mistakes but replying on good ol faithful bb!

    October 4, 2010 at 3:06 pm
  • Reply pandoragelb

    I am reading the same book, and I found it quite alarming! I told my DH he better read it when I am finished. I think it is a great book, I have always liked James Dobson and his values.At first I thought it would be quite old fashioned, but it is so up to date, and so relevant to today’s teens.
    Cute pic!

    October 4, 2010 at 6:16 pm
  • Reply orbit365

    That is such a lovely picture. I’m going to see if I can source a copy of Bringing Up Boys by James Dobson.
    Walter is such a great Dad. I think that it is perfectly natural (actually I think it is imperative) to examine ourselves as people when we have kids. Because ultimately, you and Walter are her first teachers. She is learning from you how to be a woman. She is learning from him how men should behave towards women. Your comments about her relationship with him shaping her relationship with men as she grows up are spot on.
    I am very conscious of the type of message I send out to my sons. I actually struggle with trying to balance it sometimes. I am very bossy and don’t want them to think that it is normal for all women to be like this. I also don’t want them to believe that women must submit to them.
    I guess it is all a work in progress all the time but as long as we are aware we have already won half the battle.
    Awesome post.

    October 4, 2010 at 7:56 pm
  • Reply ttcnot2easy

    I love when men become dads particulary to girls.. when they suddenly realise what and TO WHOM their girls could be exposed! It makes me chuckle – even though to them it’s something really serious. One of my guy friends was a FIEND and we would have endless screaming arguments about how he treats girls, etc. Now he has 2 daughters. And he’s quite sheepish about the way he was too.
    Travs is the same – he jokes about Tazer Gun specials and how Bella can start dating when she’s in her 20’s.. When I tell him she can date when she’s 15, I get a look that if it could spit, I’d be a surfer!! πŸ˜‰

    Oh – and I was given that book as a gift on my birthday a month ago – haven’t read it yet though.

    October 5, 2010 at 9:24 am
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