I’m waiting for our SW’s to come back to me with a confirmed date. A date for us to meet with them and once again put ourselves through the profiling process in order to adopt a second baby.

Both Walter and I have sat on the fence about this issue for the last year. We’ve swung backwards and forwards between the two choices, having sibling versus the benefits for the child of being an only child, of which I still believe there are many. I still don’t buy into or believe in the myth started almost a 120 years ago that so many people are still so hung up on, the myth of the only child.

However, somewhere between saying goodbye to my cousin and renewed drama with my brother I had an epiphany over the Christmas holidays. As mentioned yesterday, my cousin and her husband are emigrating to Australia next week and she is the closest I have to a sibling. I have no relationship with my brother. We have never gotten along, even as children and he has turned out to be the real black sheep of our family. I don’t want to get into details here, I use my anonymous blog for spilling my guts on that relationship, but I will say this, and people are shocked when I say it, I wish I was an only child. I have no doubt that once my parents pass on and my brother has received his inheritance, I will never ever see or hear from him ever again. Add to that I’m a ousider with my in-laws and don’t have close relations with them either, once my mom and dad pass on, I will be all alone in the world. Aside from Walter and our child, I will have no one.

I never ever want Ava to be in that position. Especially because we come from a small family, especially with our plans to emigrate. Should we be successful, she will have one cousin in Australia and that is it.

Of course, both Walter and I are not approaching this decision with rose-tinted glasses. We realize that we may wait a long time to be selected again, I’m under no illusion that we’ll be so lucky as to have a 3 week process again. We are also well aware that we may never be selected again. Or that our emigration application is successful before we are chosen, in which case we will leave without a second child. But we have to at least try. It’s in God’s hands and if its meant to be it will be. But we have to take a leap of faith, step off the edge of the cliff and free fall to find out what is going to happen.

I’m still unsure of how we’ll cope with a second baby. I’m not sure I’m ready to revert back to sleepless nights, colic and the exhaustion that comes with a tiny baby. Or coping with a tiny baby while raising a child. Or the fighting? The sibling rivalry? Or the cost of effectively raising two children?

Neither Walter or I are sure if we’re ready for it, but then is one ever really ready for it?

Ultimately that’s not what is important, ultimately what’s important is what is best for Ava and I believe in my heart of hearts that as an adult one day, God willing this will have been a good decision for her!