One of the things I’ve also committed to doing this year is taking better care of me and my health.
Its only now, after my years of infertility are behind me that I realize just how severely I abused my body in the years of treatment. If I wasn’t jabbing needles filled with hormones into my stomach and bum, I was shoving pessaries of hormones up my va-jay-jay and when that all failed I was punishing my body with excess, never denying myself anything, trying to suppress my sadness and grief my shoving it down deep inside me and topping it all up with food & wine.
Then Ava was born and suddenly I embarked on a year of celebration. Once again not denying myself a single thing, if I wanted it, I had it and I had it in excess. My weight and my health are paying the price of 7+ years of abuse followed by a year of celebration and its taking its toll on me. My pants are so tight I feel like I’m being squeezed in half and am choosing comfort over style – dudes, I’ve even taken to wearing maternity pants ‘cos they’re so comfy over my round belly! I have no energy and I’m tired… like ALL the time. I’ve been plagued with colds, I’ve got about my 6th or 7th cold in the space of a year. And these are just the issues which are noticeable, not even including the things I can’t see like my blood pressure, my insulin levels and cholesterol. I feel so bad about myself that it really has far reaching effects on my personal life and my self esteem and you know with low self esteem and feeling yucky come other issues like NO sex drive which in turn have a knock on effect on my marriage.
One of the things I promised myself & in fact Walter and I promised each other was that from this year, we were going to start taking better care of ourselves. I need to get in better shape because I want to feel better about myself and because I want to have more energy to care for Ava and of course our “maybe-baby”.
So this week my plan starts to take shape…
I’ve joined a private pilates studio and will be once a week attending a semi private class that includes the use of pilates machines, the instructor has assured me that carrying excess wait is not a problem because pilates is based on using your own body weight to exercise, I will get maximum benefit as my excess wait will force me to work harder. She’s put me into the absolute beginners class and assures me that once a week at this stage will be more than enough and once I develop strength I can move into a beginners/intermediate class and go more regularly.
I also have an appointment at Ann Till & Associates on Friday. I haven’t been back to them in more than a year so I’ve booked to start the process all over again, from the assessment appointment and I just know that Claire is going to use her “take-no-prisoners” approach on me and its exactly what I need.
I started trying to take better care of myself from last week when I returned to work and am already feeling the benefits. I only drank wine ONCE last week on Thursday and went out walking a few times and already I’m starting to feel better.
So here’s to a year of taking care of me!