Can I catch a break? Please?

Can something just work out? Can I just have at least ONE of the things I really really really with all my heart so desperately want?

To add insult to injury I got my period yesterday, so not only am I unable to fall pregnant, I’m also unable to sell my blasted house and leave this sodding country! 🙁

I really don’t understand it, I’ve had 4 cycles since my surgery, a surgery which by all intents and purposes is supposed to make you very fertile. I’ve never battled to fall pregnant before, I can’t believe it. Three rounds of having sex, yes people, having sex and still no pregnancy! WTF??? I heard that ones rate of pregnancy drops after 35 but come on, this is ridiculous! Its been almost two years since my last pregnancy which was at 34, perhaps my rate of pregnancy has just STOPPED?

I guess I’m getting a true life lesson here…

You can’t always have what you want when you want it. But come on God, I’ve been waiting, albeit not so patiently, but I’ve been waiting SIX YEARS for my baby! Perhaps its time I learnt that you can’t always have what you want? But that sentiment makes me want to stomp my feet, throw myself to the floor, arms and legs flaying, tantrum style screeching: “WHY NOT! BUT I WANT IT! AND I WANT IT ALL NOW!!!”

I’m feeling so frustrated with the world today that if I was a cruel person I’d probably kick a puppy, instead, I’ll spend the day kicking myself! What a looser, can’t even have a baby, what a failure as a wife and a woman, what an idiot for thinking that I could have it all.

Today is a very bad day for me, I know this is probably going to sound totally pathetic, but I feel that I have nothing to look forward to. And I need something to look forward to. I need that to keep me motivated and to keep me moving forwards, but right now, when I look into the near future I see a whole lot of nothingness……….

I’ll end the pity party now, give myself a fat slap and I promise be back to my old self tomorrow.