Barren But Abundantly Blessed – Make The Tough Choices

Being a parent it not easy… it requires that we sometimes make really tough decisions. Decisions that we don’t necessarily like but that we know are right anyway and so we make them and we live with them.

Yesterday I received a call that would force us to make such a decision. Hannah’s BM had another baby and she wanted to place with us. (please don’t be quick to judge her, there are circumstances that you don’t know about).

This is Hannah’s half sister and because I feel such a strong connection, love and responsibility to both my girls birth mom’s, my immediate reaction was YES!

I don’t want to have a third baby. I knew after Hannah’s placement it wasn’t something I wanted. A couple of months ago, Ava’s social worker contacted us in an attempt to place a baby boy with us, my answer was, without even consulting Walter, a firm NO!

But this is Hannah’s sister. It changes everything.

Thankfully Walter is always my voice of reason, he is the logical thinker while I am the emotional thinker and as he clearly pointed out to me last night and again this morning… we are simply NOT in a position to bring a third child into our home. We’re just not. And I know everyone says you can make it work, but we feel that that would be entirely unfair to the two children we already have, to the responsibility we have to them. We want private educations for them, university educations if they choose, holidays and the very best we can possibly offer them.

Adding a 3rd child to the mix would change all of that and that is a sacrifice that neither Walter nor I could live with.

Not to mention that neither of us felt it would be fair to Ava. She’d ultimately become the 3rd sister and I can’t/won’t do that to her.

I’ve just sent Hannah’s BM an email via our SW, explaining our reasons and expressing my sadness at her situation. I hope she will understand, I think she will. I think she will understand that our first responsibility is first and foremost Ava and Hannah.

It’s not easy. I’m heart broken today. I don’t like this choice, but I know we’ve made the right one and even though I am deeply saddened, I have peace with the decision we’ve made.

Of course, the irony not lost on me either. The most hopelessly infertile couple, parents to two gorgeous girls and in the space of a couple of months we could have been the parents to three and even four children.

Life is tough, it’s unfair, but it is also so beautiful and I am once again reminded of how abundantly blessed I am.


  • Stephanthis

    May 23, 2014 at 2:42 pm

    You have made the best choice for your family, even if it was a hard one, read about this on your twitter account last night and you were in my thoughts 🙂

  • Melinda

    May 23, 2014 at 2:49 pm

    Tough decision to make. Another emotional hurdle to deal with. Difficult situation to be put in. Glad it was not my decision…I am the emotional decision maker as well.

  • reluctantmom

    May 23, 2014 at 3:16 pm

    Wow Sharon. I would probably have gone yes-yes-yes and not thought about the consequences.

    I am glad you have Walter there as a sane sounding board.

    I hope you also do not beat yourself up about this decision, and roll it around in your head space for too long.

    I am quite overwhelmed for you ……

  • Carmen

    May 23, 2014 at 4:03 pm

    I often wonder what I would do if I was in this situation, both my kids are adopted too. I like to think I would be able to make a rational decision, but having kids is often not a rational thing. And I always think far down the line when they might realise there was an opportunity for them to have grown up with a biological sibling. Have a good cry, and hug Hannah a bit tighter tonight. All the best

  • ptaguy

    May 23, 2014 at 11:34 pm

    This is the second time (on your blog and Facebook) you mentioned that PROCARE called you about a placement of a boy/ now a girl(boy) without even being in the adoption process. Please, PLEASE explain to the rest of us (who are their clients) how this happens?!!!!

    • Sharon

      May 26, 2014 at 10:48 am

      Not the 2nd. The 1st time from Procare. Ava wasn’t placed via them. And it’s considered good adoption Practise to keep siblings together where possible & remember , it’s always the birth mothers choice. In both cases though we would have had to be rescreened prior to placemat taking place.

  • Adele

    May 25, 2014 at 10:30 pm

    Very difficult decision indeed! The most difficult decision ever. But you must do what is best for your family! Luckily men are more rational.

  • St. Elsewhere

    May 26, 2014 at 10:05 am

    That was indeed a very tough decision. I understand your and Walter’s reason for it, and I wish you much luck.

    Hannah’s mum is definitely in a tight spot, and I pray that they baby will be placed in a very loving family.


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