Can o’ Worms

My head has been spinning.

I’ve been mentally making “pro’s & con’s” lists since a wine infused 3am conversation on Friday evening…er.. actually that would be Saturday morning.

I think I have made a decision. But this decision doesn’t really take Walter into consideration and I’m not sure if it was all the wine at 3am on Saturday morning, but he seemed very keen to do the exact opposite!

We had some friends over for a braai on Friday evening. Amongst our visitors were some newly made friends, a same sex couple, who have a little girl, a month younger than Ava born to them via a surrogate & egg donor and are pregnant with their second baby girl, once again usinig the same egg donor and a surrogate. They had had 5 failed IVF’s at the same clinic as I’d first attended. After the shoddy handling of their 5th failed IVF, they decided to cut their losses and try another clinic. They had success instantly! First IVF, BFP! Precious baby girl born January 2010! First FET done towards the end of 2010 – BFP, precious baby girl no. 2 expected June 2011!

The clinic in questions, while never popular amongst infertiles previously, does seem to be having a rather high success rate of late, especially amongst the “no hopers” those of us who’ve already had 4, 5, 6, 7 failed IVF’s, are now heading over to this clinic and getting pregnant, staying pregnant and having singleton’s, twins and even triplets on their first attempts with this clinic.

My sweet friends are desperate for Walter and I to give said clinic a call, set up an appointment have a quick consultation and take up this clinic’s “Valentines IVF Special”. The thought of IVF being on “special” makes me a little uncomfortable to be honest, I don’t really know why, it just doesn’t fit well with me, BUT having said that, an all inclusive IVF for R19 000 is not to be scoffed at.

Walter was totally onboard about giving this an attempt on Friday evening/Saturday morning. He feels that we took a chance with Ava-Grace, we took a leap of faith and it paid off, BIG TIME! He feels that if there is one lesson we should have learned it is that we have to grab every opporutnity that comes our way because God is a God of miracles but you have to be open to and willing to work to receive that miracle.

I on the other hand am… scared! I don’t want to open Pandora’s box again. I’m terrified of unlocking that part of my brain and thought processes that have been safely locked away for more than a year now. I’m terrified over going back to being “that” person again. The one who’s life revolves around injections, scans, blood tests. I don’t want to unleash that misery on us again. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t tempted. I would be lying if I said my mind has been spinning in a million directions since that conversation.

But there is MUCH to consider. And the most important consideration for me is…. do I really want to be pregnant?? Repeat beta’s, sleepless nights wracked by anxiety, uncontrolable fear, dealing with the long term effects of PUPPS, spotting, feeling sick and ultimatley the possibility of another (my 8th) miscarriage or 9 months of anxiety torture and the possiblity of something going wrong. And the short answer is HELL NO!

But what if Walter wants to? What will I do then?

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  • Reply lea2109

    Only the two of you can decide what is right for you. Not an easy decision to make. If you try it and it doesn’t work, then you are hurt all over again (except this time you won’t be left empty handed if it didn’t work, you have Ava whom you love with all your heart), or maybe you choose not to and then you’ll never know if it might work, and maybe this was meant to be. Maybe this is your new journey, maybe not. And unfortunately that’s the difficult part. There is no real way of knowing until you try, but trying might mean exposing yourself and possibly getting hurt again.

    I found after Bianca’s diagnosis that I find it incredibly difficult to face new and unknown situations. When you go through something big, something traumatic, then you lose confidence in the process. You lost your innocence a long time ago and you’ve learned to take comfort in what is known to you, but safe and known isn’t always the best journey for us, or the road we are meant to walk. We can only take one step at a time.

    All the best with making the decisions. I will keep you in my prayers and thoughts that you will make the right decision for you 🙂

    February 27, 2011 at 11:00 am
  • Reply Mash

    If he wants it, go for counselling together. Personally, off the top of my head, I think this is going to induce Post Traumatic Stress for you… but it’s such a personal decision as Lea says. Hmm. This is what I learned in Intuition Development 101 😉 Listen to your gut, because 9 out of 10 times it’s right. Are you getting a YES with comfort? Are you getting a NO with comfort? The one that feels weird is the one you should stay away from. Good luck!

    February 27, 2011 at 12:25 pm
    • Reply Sharon

      I’m not getting a yes with comfort nor am I getting a no with comfort. Neither answer comes with comfort only fear and I’ve learned that the only way to get what you want is to be willing to take a deep breath and face that fear.
      So I really don’t know what the answer is.

      February 27, 2011 at 2:23 pm
  • Reply coachmarcia

    Gosh! Can of worms, all right!

    Only you two can make that decision – counselling is a great idea though.

    Me personally? I got all tight in the stomach at the thought of another IVF (and I’ve only had two so I can only imagine). Then again, I’m also one for living with no regrets…. but not at the cost of peace of mind and a healed psyche (which is where I think you’re at).

    Have a lovely Sunday!

    Marcia from

    February 27, 2011 at 1:23 pm
  • Reply mozzie01

    Wow Shaz, this is huge! Personally I think you should give it a try. But I have not been down the path that you have and wouldn’t know the fear that you have imbedded deap inside from your previous losses. I will keep you in my prayers while you work through the pros and cons and make this life altering decision.

    February 27, 2011 at 6:46 pm
  • Reply darylfaure

    That’s such a tough one Sharon.

    I think if we had the finances, I would certainly consider another IVF (after stating that I would not do another fresh IVF), but I have not suffered the repeated miscarriages and the trauma associated with that.

    All the best with your decision. Will keep you and W in my prayers, and I know that ultimately you two will make the best decision for your family.

    February 27, 2011 at 7:05 pm
  • Reply zamom

    This is a decision which you both need to be comfortable with. At the end of the day it is more difficult for you as the women. I can only say that a huge weight lifted off my shoulders the day I got to kiss the fertility clinic goodbye forever but I do know that wouldn’t have happened until I’d had a second child. My IVF experiences have always been good ones and despite the 2 m/c’s I’ve also had 2 babies which makes all the difference I think. Either way you will be in my thoughts and prayers. It is a serious can of worms to open, and I am very grateful that I am not in your position. If it works, it will be incredible but if it doesn’t, it will be dreadful.

    February 27, 2011 at 7:42 pm
  • Reply yvettene

    Wow, I am stunned! Never say never I guess hey. Anything is possible.

    February 27, 2011 at 11:46 pm
  • Reply hanneke001

    This is a very big decision, i have not had any treatments to date by choice so i have no real advice, i just wanted to wish you good luck with whatever decision you will be making xoxo

    February 28, 2011 at 8:37 am
  • Reply theresak80

    Very big decision! My husband and I are the opposite. I want to do one with all my heart but he is dead set against it. And it is very strange to have an IFV special. Never heard of that! But like you said, at that price, I wouldn’t say no.
    Would you mind me asking what clinic it is?

    February 28, 2011 at 10:34 am
  • Reply waiting4amiracle

    Ai yai yai!!! Its a huge decision. Do you think you could manage a second adoption and an IVF? They are both super stressful. I like Mashes comments about it being a comfortable yes or no. Maybe some more reflection is necessary.

    BUT OMW that is huge!

    February 28, 2011 at 10:34 am
  • Reply dee

    As you know I was a “no hoper”, 6 IVF’s at previous top Jhb clinic, incl 2x DE cycles and on our first attempt at the clinic you are referring to I got a BFP with my own eggs and I have 3 gorgeous girls. Another friend of mine did 5 IVFs and told she had no other choice but to use DS at previous top Jhb clinic and she is currently pregnant after I convinced her to try the clinic you are referring to, own gametes used.

    Their secret is in the stim protocol and their excellent embryologist. If I were you I would give it one final try at this clinic, they have had alot of success recently I think their success rate is 65%.

    Let me know if you want any other info about them xx

    February 28, 2011 at 10:58 am
  • Reply lindasjournal

    Wow – what a big decision!! Good luck which ever way you choose to go.

    February 28, 2011 at 11:23 am
  • Reply Nisey

    Sharon, i vascillate constantly between trying again and never stepping foot in a clinic for as long as i live.

    My assvice is simply go with what you’re feeling right now. Don’t use the word never and simply explore your options. My last ‘IVF’ i cancelled the day before I was due to start simply because despite convincing myself it was what i wanted it didn’t feel right on the day.

    Its your prerogative to jump or stay put – only you (not even Walter) can make this decision. Just don’t rule anything out – yet!

    February 28, 2011 at 12:53 pm
  • Reply little29

    Oh !! My stomach is in a knot for you already!! I echo the others – only you will know- you and you alone!! be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to change your mind as often as you want until you you feel you have the strength to go forward. Whatever you try is a leap of faith – Personally I had so many treatments and had I not fallen pregnant and now two kids later I am pretty sure I would have kept on trying…… I wish you all the best with whatever your final decision may be!!

    March 1, 2011 at 12:22 pm
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