About my journey through infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss…

It wouldn’t be the 7 years it took to start a family.

It wouldn’t be the almost R500 000 we spent on treatment.

It wouldn’t be all the surgeries.

It wouldn’t be all the painful procedures.

It wouldn’t be any of the things we went through to have our children, because if we didn’t go through all that, we wouldn’t have had the utter perfection, the perfect bits of heaven that are Ava & Hannah.

What I would change though, would be how I dealt with it. 

Don't Die Before YOu're Dead

I saw this quote a while ago and it immediately made me think back on our years of infertility. Hind sight is twenty twenty and I wouldn’t want to go back. I wouldn’t want to relieve the heartache and the pain again.

But if I had to go back and if I could change just one thing, I wish I could have lived more during those 7 years. Every ounce of my strength and my energy went into trying to have a baby and I lived so very little during that time.

Those years that could have been spent travelling, enjoying weekends away, spending time with friends, or just savoring the peace, quiet and tranquility of my home and quiet moments with my husband. That’s what I’d change, I’d try to live more, to not let the opportunities that were presented slip through my fingers, to not spend 7 years dead while life carried on around me.

Life has a funny way of working out, when I had all the time in the world and money to do what I wanted, I didn’t and now with two kids, I can’t and I regret having not lived more during those years.