There has been a fundamental shift in my thinking/feelings over my infertility over the past year, I suppose I can put it down to experience or time, or perhaps acceptance, probably a bit of all three. But emotionally, I’m in far better shape now than what I was a few years ago. My infertility no longer depresses me, sure, I get sad and depressed when treatments fail, but overall, on the whole, I don’t walk around with the weight of my infertility pressing down on my shoulders, I don’t live and breathe infertility anymore. It does not permeate into ever aspect of my life, its simply is a part of me and I cope with it like anyone copes with hardships in life.
One of the great things about being in this place is that things like baby showers, buying baby gifts, hearing pregnancy announcments or celebrating mothers day no longer brings me to tears or feels as though it stabs me in the heart. In fact, with Mother’s Day upon us, I just realized this morning that I haven’t had one moment of sadness or self pity, all I’ve thought about in the lead up to this day is what I could do for my wonderful Mother? I went shopping earlier in the week and one of the store assistants was trying to be chatty while he assisted me, he asked me if I was prepared to be spoiled on Mothers day? A few years ago, a question like that would have stung, it would have brought tears into my eyes but not anymore and I feel liberated by it!
I can only think that these new found feelings have a lot to do with my acceptance of my situation, of not trying to fight what can’t be fought, of being able to surrender to the situation and submit myself to whatever needs to be done to get through.
I wish all of my fellow IF sisters a happy day today, remember regardless of what today is called, we are all special and should be celebrated. A friend sent this to me earlier in the week and it expresses everything I think and feel about mothers day: