Crack! The Sound My Heart Made As It Broke!

On Monday night Ava informed Walter and I that she has NO friends at her new school, it hurt so much to hear that I had a physical pain from it and neither he nor I got much sleep worrying about it.

Ava Swinging

My little ray of sunshine.

We knew it would be an adjustment, going from her cosy, intimate school to the big school she’s now at but to be honest, we kind of brushed it off and just assumed she’d take to it like a duck to water, just like she embraced starting school a couple of years ago, and she has to a certain degree but it’s different this time.

When she started going to play school at 18 months, it was different to how it is now. At 18 months, kids don’t play with each other, rather they play near or at each other, if that makes any sense? It’s only after 2 that she really started to make friends, as in have her special person, her bestie and other children she enjoyed playing with. So there was plenty of time to form those bonds and special friendships, to grow from playing at someone to playing with someone.

Not so this time around. She arrived at her new school, where a large % of the kids have already been together for a year, at a time when they were already playing with friends and not at friends and those bonds and friendships have formed, she’s now like an outsider trying to make her way into the groups and clicks that have already formed and it’s proving tough.

I have noticed when I collect her from aftercare, that she is often playing alone and she has told me that the other girls I see playing in groups have told her she can’t be friends with them etc. Of course, this is all very very upsetting so after some discussion, I gave her teacher a call yesterday and boy I’m so glad I did.

Turns out Ava DOES have friends at school, what she was referring to as having no friends, was in fact her 4 year old way of saying that her new school bestie, Giselle, has been off sick for the past week. Her teacher also assured me that Ava is a popular child in her class, she’s silly and funny and has lots of stories to tell. She participates easily and shows a natural leadership ability. Teacher M also assured me she felt our fears were unfounded but that she was glad I’d called her to discuss. She suggested she write a list of some of the girls in Ava’s class that she is friendly with and that we have them over with their parents for a play date, just to help strengthen the bonds of these fledgling friendships.

Before becoming a mother, I never imagined that having children would hurt my heart so much, but it does and I’m terrified of what lies ahead as Ava & Hannah grow up to be teenagers and all the hurt and heartache that could potentially be caused, not just to them but very much to me. I don’t think my heart could survive seeing my children hurt.


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  • Reply Sian

    Shame, I haven’t got to this stage yet and I am certainly not looking forward to it. I am glad that the teacher clarified everything.

    March 6, 2014 at 10:01 am
  • Reply gen

    You have hit the nail on the head for my biggest fear! This parenting is so freaking hard from 3 onwards! This is my BIGGEST fear for next year when O leaves and starts “big school”

    March 6, 2014 at 10:30 am
  • Reply Gaelyn Cokayne

    I know exactly how you feel! Zoe is already in grade 4 and still doesn’t have a bestie or special group of friends that she plays with. There is only so much we can do to arrange play dates and encourage friendships with our limited time with her, all we can do is hope that what we do manage, will be enough for her to one day find herself in a happy group of friends!

    March 6, 2014 at 10:36 am
  • Reply Tash

    I have the same thing with Aurora, she says she has no friends or yesterday she wasn’t allowed to play with some girls but she actually floats between 3 or 4 different groups of kids. Good that you spoke to the teacher, at least now you can feel more relaxed when she does say again that she doesn’t have friends. It always helps to dig a little deeper with kids to get to what they really mean 🙂

    March 6, 2014 at 10:40 am
  • Reply Tertia

    Sheesh I agree. These kiddies have wiggled their way into our hearts hey..

    March 6, 2014 at 2:35 pm
  • Reply Laura-kim le Roux

    I think this is harder than the sleepless nights. I have had to watch it a few times with my older 2. It doesn’t get easier 🙁

    Just glad that Ava does have a new BFF :))

    March 6, 2014 at 4:53 pm
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