Dear Husband, I Am STILL The Same Person Your Married

I read this article earlier this week, it touched me and I related, but my view is different. 

Dear Husband

I am sorry.

I know a lot has changed in the past 7 years, but I want to assure you, I am still the same woman you married. I’m just an older, tireder version of that woman. 

I put us through a lot on our journey to parenthood. My steely determination to overcome the hand that infertility dealt me, took it’s toll on both of us, but more so you, I think. We sacrificed a lot, we hurt a lot and I think, no, I know, for the longest time we drifted through our marriage, you supporting me in my “if at first you don’t succeed, try and try again” determination to be a parent.

Then Ava was placed with us. 

And in the blink of an eye, everything changed again. We were both overwhelmed by parenting initially. Clueless and scared. And again, our relationship went through a metamorphosis, but one of the qualities that makes us an amazing couple is our ability to hold each other up, our moments of weakness come at different times and you carried me when I couldn’t anymore and I carried you, when you felt you couldn’t anymore.

Because in sickness and in health right?

People don’t just change. Relationships don’t just change. Sometimes circumstance and experiences change us. And I am changed, as are you. But, underneath all those layers, I am still the same woman you married all those years ago.


I love you and you are always my top priority.

But as you know, life with little kids, it’s complicated. They take up a lot of our time and their nuances often affect the time we get to spend together. But I am still here for you always, I am still the woman you married.

I’m just older and more tired. Between the work/life balance, I often feel as though I’m failing. We work as an incredible team towards our goals for ourselves and our children. It takes commitment and sacrifice on both our parts but that doesn’t mean our priorities with each other have changed. They’re just sometimes harder to maintain.

I show my appreciation for you in many different ways, as you do for me.

I know parenting is hard and it takes a lot of time and it involves a lot of juggling and worrying. But we make it work, sometimes that means self sacrifice. Sometimes that means finding new ways to show our love and appreciation for each other.

I know you love me because….

  • You support my dreams
  • You pack and unpack the dishwasher without with little complaint
  • You share the responsibility of parenting our children
  • You help pack their lunches (my worst job) on the days when life has knocked me down
  • You give me space and time to do the things I want to do, when I want and need to do them the most

You know I love and appreciate you because….

  • I support your dreams
  • I show my love by doing simple and small things, like always making sure there is food to eat, a warm meal cooked 
  • By trying to make your life easier through small acts of service

These years with our young children are hard. But they are critical for their development. I feel like they are a time when we have to, to a certain degree, set a side a small part of who we are, to nurture, develop and grow our children.

But underneath my stress levels and my irritation and my tiredness, I’m still the same woman you married.

I still love it when you surprise me. Whether it be with flowers or cooking us breakfast. I love it when we get to spend time together, even if it’s just having a drink and a chat on our patio in the evenings when the girls are sleeping, I love it when you seek me out, when you just want 5 minutes of time with me.

I love you and I promise you, I am still the woman you married and I look forward to a time in our lives when we are less all encompassed in raising small children and can cherish time spent together.

I love our life together. I wouldn’t change it for anything. Sure, I know it’s not perfect but you are still perfect for me.

Love always.

Your Wife.



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