Dear *I*

I’ve been reading a lot of blogs written by BBM’s and while it has helped me to feel closer to you, it has also given me an insight into some of the emotions you must be experiencing.

Do you have peace with your decision? Are you happy? Or are you weighted down by feelings of immeasurable loss?

I know this must be of little comfort, but I want you to know that there is not a single day that passes that I don’t think of you. There is not a single day that passes where my heart is not filled with love, respect & admiration for you.

I often think back to our first meeting. Of how hard Walter and I tried to temper our joy, knowing how bitter sweet it must have been for you. I remember voicing this sentiment to you and hearing how bravely you answered me, how you told me not to hide my joy, that despite all you were feeling you knew you’d made the right decision for our precious Ava.

I remember during the “60 day period” how we almost seemed to share a spiritual bond, on the days when I was feeling particularly fearful and anxious, somehow you’d know, it was like a karmic connection we shared, and on those especially tough days, you would send me text messages via our SW. Encouraging me, reminding me of your commitment to Ava and to us, comforting me.

I wonder…. did you have someone to comfort you? Did you have someone to encourage you on the dark days that must surely have followed?

I wish you could see Ava. She is amazing. Beautiful, funny, cute and very very cleaver. She has now been at “school” for 2 months and is not only loving it, but she is thriving. She talks up a storm and her vocabulary is unlimited, I cannot possibly count the words she knows, because she pretty much knows them all and can use them in context. She also knows all her colors and can count to 3. We have started toilet training her and she is completley obsessed with using the toilet and will often tell me she wants to use the toilet, even if that is not really true.

She is fascinated with planes and waves her arms in the air and makes this “vvvvvoooooo” sound when you ask her how a plane goes. She’s also obsessed with her kitten, Spike, and spends her life picking him up, carrying him around by his head/tail, kissing him & cuddling him.

Her favorite toy is ‘Haun (Shaun the Sheep), she insists he sleep with her in her cot and when putting her to bed, she always turns him so they sleep face to face, aside from Dada, ‘Haun is also the first person she asks for in the morning.

*I* I wish I could talk to you, do we still share that karmic bond? Can you still “feel” me? Do you know when I’m thinking of you and hoping, wishing & praying for a life time of happiness for you? Do you know when I’m thinking about how much I love you? Do you know when my eyes fill with tears as I look at the beautiful gift you have given us?

If you don’t, one day, I promise, I will tell you.

All my love!

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  • Reply charne

    Beautiful beautiful beautiful!!!!!

    September 20, 2011 at 6:49 am
  • Reply Roz

    Lovely post Shaz…

    September 20, 2011 at 8:56 am
  • Reply Lea White

    Beautiful post Sharon!

    September 20, 2011 at 10:45 am
  • Reply Laura

    This is very beautiful!

    September 20, 2011 at 2:11 pm
  • Reply waiting4amiracle

    Such a lovely post. So bitter sweet.

    September 20, 2011 at 2:21 pm
  • Reply Kimmie

    Exquisite post!

    September 21, 2011 at 1:19 am
  • Reply To Love Bella

    I loved this.
    I often think of our BM too and wonder if she’s ok. Wonder if there is ever any way that we can show or tell her how grateful we are. Wonder if she thinks about Isabella – what she looks like and such.

    September 21, 2011 at 7:13 am
  • Reply shirl34

    For some reason, I felt very emotional after reading that!!
    Beautifully written and it really put alot of emotions into perspective for me!

    Thanks for that!

    September 23, 2011 at 8:37 pm
  • Reply Julia

    Absolutely beautifully written.xxxx

    September 28, 2011 at 8:52 pm
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