Dear R (A Message To Our Birth Mother)

You have been on my mind and in my heart, more so than ever this week in the lead up to Hannah’s first birthday. I keep thinking back to how you must have been feelingg this time a year ago. Were you fearful, resolute, sad as your due date came closer and closer and you prepared to deliver the baby you knew you were going to place?

Hannah has been with us almost 10 months now, that’s a month longer than you got to carry her with you. In some ways, it feels like time has passed in the blink of an eye, in other ways, these past 10 months have been filled with many lessons for me.

I’m not going to lie, it hasn’t always been easy but it has been so so so worth it. Hannah has settled into our family beautifully, she is a real character who loves loves loves to dance, she even has her own version of twerking which has Walter and I in stitches on a daily basis. She is exceptionally curious and a very bright little girl, her nickname around our house is FOMO because she absolutely cannot bare to not be right in the centre of all the action.

She is WAY above the trend line on the development curve, literally storming through her milestones, walking at 9 months and talking from around then too and I’m not just talking baby talk, I’m talking actual words, with meaning. When she wakes up in the morning she lies in her cot and calls: “Hello! Hello!” If I don’t respond fast enough, she starts calling us by name: “Mom? Mom? Dad? Dad?” and she also calls her sister ALL THE TIME… Avaaa Avaaa. They really do adore each other and Hannah being as boisterous as she is, loves nothing better than a wrestling match with her sussie on the lounge carpet. She has 10 teeth already, can you believe it???!

Hannah 1 Year

She’s also crazy about animals and has these great big belly chuckles each time one of the dogs or our cat stands still long enough to let her touch them. She’s also extremely ticklish and shrieks with laughters when I tickle her neck, which seems to be her ticklish spot!

She is a fantastic eater and I am so grateful for that after fretting and fighting and struggling to get Ava to eat all these years. Hannah will try anything and everything and she eats with gusto, whether it be asparagus, avo, cheese and her favourite… BACON!

I should also mention, she is quite bad tempered and I wonder who she gets that from? You or W? If she doesn’t get her own way immediately, she can throw a fit that would put any self respecting 2 year old to shame, I’m actually a little afraid of what she’s going to be like as a 2 year old and even worse, as a moody, hormonal teen? 🙂

I hope you know we think of you every day, we talk about you all the time. There is not a day that doesn’t pass that I’m not so thankful to you for what you have allowed us to experience. Without you, we wouldn’t be a family of 4 and Hannah Banana wouldn’t be part of our lives. For that we will be eternally grateful and always think of you with great love and tremendous respect. I think back to the day of placement, to how beautiful you were and how resolute in your decision and your bravery touches me daily.

I can’t imagine this time of year is easy for you, especially not this year, being Hannah’s first birthday, but I hope that you have some level of peace knowing that she is well, she is thriving, she is happy and most importantly, she is loved deeply and unconditionally, not just by Walter and I or Ava, but by our extended families and friends too.

Sending you love and strength for Saturday, we will be celebrating Hannah’s birthday with a small party in her honour and while it’s a day of celebration for us, I’m sure it will be a day of heartache for you.

With all my love,





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