After the elation over the weekend of achieving my first weight loss goal and on taking another step towards starting my next IVF by going for a pap smear on Monday, I’ve hit a total downer. I guess it has something to do with sitting in front of the IVF Co-ordinator and watching as she added up my “plan”. Gulp! R36 000! Oh man oh man! I hate that we have to spend so much money on what so many people get for free. I’ve been feeling really tearful and depressed since then and suddenly not so excited at all. There are about a million things I’d rather be doing with that money, not to mention that we’re still a few thousand short in the savings department. Its really a grudge purchase too, like buying insurance, except there’s no insurance, no guarantee with this. There are so many pass fail points along the way, there’s not even a guarantee we make it to transfer. With my previous IVF’s I’ve never even made it to test day, I’ve not even gotten to live with the glimmer of hope, of a maybe. I’ve had one IVF cancelled straight after retrieval due to no fertilization (that was like the most gigantic kick in the nads imaginable) and my other two IVF’s all ended with bleeding at least 5 days before test day.
But in attempt to find a silver lining, there was something that made me smile this morning!
W has to go this week for a full Hepatitis and HIV screening as he hasn’t had one done at this clinic yet and then ………… tadadadah!!!!!!!!!! Heheheh!! He has to go for another semen analysis. Wicked to find this funny I know, but it feels like at least all the pressure and pricking and poking and prodding and humiliation doesn’t fall squarely at my feet. At least he gets to have some of it. We’ll make his appointment for his SA next week, lucky bum gets to do it at home and then race it like precious cargo to the clinic, but I do plan to make it a bit uncomfortable by standing outside the locked bedroom door calling him a little wanker or asking him if he’s done yet!! hehehe
Fair is fair right?