Who would have thought that motherhood could increase my own insecurities!

I mean really, isn’t it bad enough that I have to worry about myself? About how I perform on a daily basis? Am I too fat? Too loud? Too stupid? Too straight forward? Too timid? Too pretty? Too ugly? Too tall? Too short? Too girly? Too unfeminine? *Note I did not include Too thin in there because.. you know.. you can never be too thin!

Now my daughter has to be subjected to the same kind of questions that right now feed into all my insecurities but will one day when she’s old enough to understand, start feeding into all her insecurities.

Why can’t she just be left alone to be a baby? Why does she have to do everything like a little robot exactly according to some chart? Why oh why must people constantly enquire about where she’s at in terms of the varying milestones?

Ava-Grace is 13.5 months old and NO she is not walking. I’m unclear on why this is such a huge issue for everyone. There is no indication that there is anything wrong her developmentally, both physically and mentally, she sat unaided just after 5 months, cut her first teeth at 8 months, leopard crawled at 8 months and crawled at 9 months. She is dead on track with her fine motor skills and ahead in terms of speech. So there really is no reason to think that anything would be wrong and she’ll probably walk when she’s good and ready.

But I hate that question. I get asked it literally EVERY SINGLE DAY! And all it does is feed into all my insecurities about me and the job I’m doing as her mother!



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  • Reply lisab809

    Ah Sharon, I hear you. Gabriel is not much of a talker and at almost 18 months only says a handful of words and I am asked on a regular basis if he is talking yet. I have no advice all I can offer is hugs and to reassure you that you are doing a fabulous job raising Ava-Grace.

    January 26, 2011 at 10:32 am
  • Reply zamom

    I’m sorry that this is happening. Think the Joburg mentality of “overachieving” spills over into everything. From an NDT physio point of view you have absolutely nothing to be concerned about. One doesn’t start to be concerned until they are 18 months or older. Crawling is the very best thing that children can do developmentally. The longer they spend putting weight through their hands and strengthening their shoulder girdles, the better, especially for their fine motor development and motor planning. Speech is a fine motor activity which takes a lot of motor planning and co-ordination so the fact that she’s speaking so well is great. Zoe only walked at 14 months and when she started she almost never fell or tripped or anything. Ava started at about a year or just before and fell an awful lot at first. I think a lot of it also comes down to the nature of the child. Some children are by nature more cautious than others. Zoe also spoke early while Ava didn’t. My girls totally support the theory that there is only so much their brains can master at a time and so some children speak earlier and others walk earlier. Often it’s the boys who are ahead on a gross motor level (walking) while the girls speak earlier and again, girls are often more cautious by nature. One might even say that a child who walks later is more intelligent. I mean why would you want to walk around and potentially fall over and hurt yourself when you can get around quickly and safely on your hands and knees!!! One more thing if you wanted to help her along a bit is to get her a trolley/wagon (those one’s with the blocks in are great) which she can push around. Otherwise a pram will do but it must be quite heavy so that it doesn’t run away from her which is why the trolleys with the blocks are great. Otherwise just weigh it down with stuff to give her some resistance to push against.

    January 26, 2011 at 11:09 am
    • Reply coachmarcia

      love Katherine’s reply πŸ™‚ both of them!

      January 31, 2011 at 7:58 pm
  • Reply zamom

    Just to clarify for everyone with children that walked early – the part about the later walkers being more intelligent is a joke!!!!

    January 26, 2011 at 11:11 am
  • Reply To Love Bella

    I hear you – and I’m only 6-months in! I’m getting a barrage of questions about her teething – a colleague has a grand daughter a few months older than Isabella (coincidentally, she is called Isabella too..), so whenever I say something about our Bella… I get a comeback that alwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaays starts with “Well, our Izzy…….”
    So I’ve stopped talking to her.
    It’s annoying. I am ‘worried’ enough as it is that the toofies have not made their appearance, not matter HOW MUCH I tell myself that it could take another month or whatever.. AND I guess it’s such a rough stage that I don’t want to egg it on!

    January 26, 2011 at 11:17 am
    • Reply Sharon

      Chops! A lot of babies only cut their first tooth at a year and Ava is just over a year and only has 2 teeth, both of which she cut at 8 months and nothing since then. Don’t even worry about it. Its not like the number of teeth a baby has is a sign of intelligence or anything!

      January 26, 2011 at 8:38 pm
  • Reply bethjane

    My little nephew is a day younger than Ava-Grace and shows no signs of walking any time soon! She will do everything in her own good time.
    I had a similar issue with my son and talking – he was over 2 and a half and didn’t talk at all, only said “uurg” and pointed to things. I also had everyone asking about his lack of speech and took him to a specialist peadiatric assessor who couldn’t pick up any problems with his development, he just wouldn’t talk.
    Well that same kid matriculated with 93% overall, and is about to start his final year of Mech Engineering (and has been on the Dean’s list every year)! And guess what, he still doesn’t like to talk much!

    January 26, 2011 at 11:21 am
  • Reply lea2109

    Don’t pay any attention. My brother only started walking close to the age of 2. Bianca was extremely early (walking at 10 months) and Caitlyn took longer. Each child is different and really? What does it matter? She’ll reach all her milestones in her own time and she is not some book baby that will fit in with what the so called experts out there are saying.

    January 26, 2011 at 11:34 am
  • Reply Nisey

    Too true! Everything is a competition – even before you can walk!

    January 26, 2011 at 12:17 pm
  • Reply suestuart

    @ to love Bella – my LG has just turned 1 and she is only cutting her first tooth now! I read that it’s not unusual for the first tooth not to arrive until well after 12 months!

    January 26, 2011 at 3:54 pm
  • Reply jonivdw

    Hey Shaz, this is one of the reasons I no longer blog, post on forums or do updates on Facebook, cause I keep getting bombarded with questions that have nothing to do with anyone! I just wish people would realise that every child is unique and develops according to their own pace! This is another reason I stayed away from books as they were freaking me out!!

    Try not to let it stress you out! Ava is perfect and she’s doing things her way and at her own pace! And you ARE a good mother!

    January 26, 2011 at 5:15 pm
  • Reply orbit365

    I hate people that cannot mind their own business and who are constantly worried about my Toddlers milestones. He sat up at 8 months, crawled at 11 months and started walking at 16 months so you can just imagine the comments.

    Unfortunately there is always going to be someone who makes you feel less than adequate. You know it’s not true so just smile and wave…

    January 26, 2011 at 9:40 pm
  • Reply ilsek1

    It’s all a load of c#*p. They do things when they want to. Not when we want them to.

    January 26, 2011 at 10:02 pm
  • Reply catluvagp

    Sharon you are a great MOM, tune out the negativity and let Ava blossom at her own pace – every child is different and unique πŸ™‚

    January 27, 2011 at 7:10 am
  • Reply mozzie01

    I am with Ilse!!! It goes back to the baby competitions post and my comment…society is SO SO SO freaking competitive, moms especially, and I am so sick of it! That is why I have a separate blog with my girls’ milestones…I really don’t have to tell everyone about how many teeth H has or if E is walking!?!? And other moms don’t need to constantly be fed info on my babies’ milestones because what difference does it make to their lives? It will only bring up feelings of guilt or make them feel the need to compare. Uggggg, I am so done with competitive mothers and all that cr#p!!! Can you tell that this is a sensitive topic for me?!?!?!?! xxxx

    January 27, 2011 at 7:50 am
  • Reply trishdg

    Aaah Sharon sorry you have to deal with that but as with most of the other commentators my boys also developed at totally different paces and were never “textbook” babies. I still get those questions but in my case I try to think people are just interested in what my kids are doing and I would prefer them asking something about my children than not wanting to talk about them at all. I guess for some people it is a conversation starter – like small talk about your child πŸ™‚ I met a friend this week that I hadn’t seen in a while and I wanted to know how her baby was so I asked what she was doing now ie crawling etc just because I love her little noonoo and was interested what she was up to so I hope my friend was not offended, I always add that my boys were late with everything so what do I know? I wish people would ask questions / discuss kids with a less competitive judgemental attitude then you could share stories about your gorgeous Ava without feeling judged and harrassed! Hugs.

    January 27, 2011 at 9:51 am
  • Reply Mash

    It’s so silly. As if they are already at University – did they get a distinction? UGH. I hate this. My sister is also always stressing about milestones with her kids, and I wish she wouldn’t. There’s such a danger they will somehow grow up thinking they aren’t worth anything if they aren’t constantly achieving!

    January 27, 2011 at 12:03 pm
  • Reply nolene123

    I am really sorry that the a-holes are making you feel this way – shame on them.
    My son only started crawling at 12.5 months – so Ava is WAY ahead. πŸ™‚

    January 27, 2011 at 12:43 pm
  • Reply pandoragelb

    First we do it to ourselves by reading all the books and comparing. Then others do it to us by always comparing. I decided not to worry too much about milestones, after seeing how different my sisters’ kids all were. At the end they all have the correct amount of teeth, and after the first 4 I had to stop counting, as they can really hurt you, those tiny little things!
    Also, I notice on the forums, and in reality, that whatever you do, someone thinks it is wrong, you should be doing what they do. Like the great debate on when to start solids. I think it is way of validating ones own choices, some people just can’t help themselves, they have to be right!
    My mom says she brought up her kids without the internet or books, and we all turned out ok! Now if a child has a wind, we all rush to the internet to see if it is ok, do we need a doctor, is it a sign of something etc. She is right, we create our own anxieties.
    So I maintain do what you think is right, you may as well be happy about your choices, if others aren’t so what. As for the milestones, there will always be some that are faster, some slower, all through life. As long as our kids are healthy and happy, what does it matter when they start to walk or talk? And Ava looks pretty happy to me.
    PS the one ‘milestone’ my little monster seems to have reached far too early is the terrible two’s!! Seems to have been practicing for them since about 18 months. And I wish sometimes she had not yet learned the words ‘NO’, ‘Stoppit’, and ‘naughty mommy’. Hearing those a lot!

    January 27, 2011 at 9:39 pm
  • Reply yvettene

    She is beautiful, happy and healthy.

    January 30, 2011 at 5:55 pm
  • Reply myzticdreamz

    its annoying how ppl compare.. trust me… i know how it is.

    Its totally normal not to be walking at her age.. My friends daughter is 15 months old and not walking yet (i think her oldest daughter started walking at around 17-18 months)

    It also has no reflection on how good of a parent you are either!

    January 31, 2011 at 8:48 am
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