Hello Infertility My Old Frenemy!

Wikipedia defines infertility as follows:

Infertility primarily refers to the biological inability of a person to contribute to conception. Infertility may also refer to the state of a woman who is unable to carry a pregnancy to full term. There are many biological causes of infertility, some which may be bypassed with medical intervention.[1]

I fall into the sector where my infertility cannot be bypassed with medical intervention.

What they neglect to mention is that infertility doesn’t have a cure, well it didn’t for me anyway. I am and will forever be… shall we say… fertility challenged. And really, that’s ok, I’ve accepted the hand I’ve been dealt, enter Ava-Grace and to be honest, I wouldn’t change a thing!

But the symptoms of my infertility will probably remain with me forever, in varying degree’s. The infertility bear in my heart has been silent from the day that Ava-Grace was placed in my arms but as she’s gone from being a tiny, helpless baby to an intelligent, loving, social little girl, I’ve felt the whispering of that bear once again.

The bear’s whispering has been getting louder and louder and there is one glaringly obvious reason for that.

Pregnancy announcements!

For the sector of the population who are not fertility challenged, the natural order of things, for those who want it, is to wait a period of time before trying to have another baby.

Ava is just over two years old and it would seem all my friends and family friends who had children around the same time as Ava have been busy trying for another baby.

I would be lying if I said it didn’t sting. Granted, it’s not the taken-to-my-bed-in-fits-of-sobs kind of pain that it was when we were still childless, but it still hurts.

It hurts to know that we can’t have what others seemingly take fore granted.

It hurts to know that while to a certain degree, my non-fertility challenged counter parts have some control over their process of family creation, we have little to none.

It hurts simply because I want it, we want it so badly.

Feeling that familiar hurt, the hurt that I lived with, was crippled by for 7+ years, reminds me that once an infertile, always an infertile. While the symptoms of our disease can be cured through medical intervention, adoption or fostering, the disease itself will never be cured.

We are waiting for you little one, I hope you will find us soon. Your sister can’t wait to be a big sister, she has already started asking mommy to have a baby and your daddy and I are looking forward to meeting you!

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  • Reply Sally-Jane

    Brave beautifully written and so charged with emotion. Thinking of you.

    February 22, 2012 at 7:11 am
  • Reply Terri

    I so hear you and get where you coming from ! Even @ 41 years old ….its with me every single day !!!
    I pray that your 2nd baby joins you very soon !! Loads of love xxxx

    February 22, 2012 at 7:22 am
  • Reply alovebeyondmeasure

    It certainly sux. I hope your wait isn’t must longer.

    February 22, 2012 at 8:15 am
  • Reply Robyn

    Sending you much love. I feel your pain my friend! Hugs. xxx

    February 22, 2012 at 8:43 am
  • Reply To Love Bella

    Shoo my love. I know that I will go through this one day too. I wonder all the time WHEN Isabella will start asking for a sibling, because I’m pretty sure it’s inevitable. My answer to her will be “ask your father” because that is where the decision lies. I won’t be able to change his mind; nor would I ever force him into changing his mind.
    But I do ‘worry’ about alot of issues surrounding one of us wanting and one not – both as heartfelt as the other.
    Thinking of you and I DO hope that your wait will be short.

    February 22, 2012 at 9:00 am
  • Reply suecreativity01ue

    Sending you love as I understand how your heart aches so well…. after 12 IVFs we have our miracle girl who is now 19 months old and I would love another one…. but at 41 yrs and a negative AMH, it is unlikely to ever happen. But to let go and accept my infertitly is flippin hard, and I agree, the sting of a preganacy announcement really touches me deep. In places I dont want to ever go back to.

    February 22, 2012 at 10:17 am
  • Reply Gwen

    We would probably be able to conceive successfully with IVF, although I’m getting on a bit. But we’ve decided that our appetite for another high risk pregnancy and the 1/15 chance of another serious cardiac anomaly is low. Although we have our problems, our little family is finally more or less happy, if small. I am not prepared to risk Luke’s stability and happiness by attempting another pregnancy and ending up with another tragedy, or a micropreemie, or a severely disabled sibling. It is hard though, when I pack his little things up for the last time, to know that I won’t ever be using them again.

    February 22, 2012 at 11:26 am
  • Reply blackhuff

    You and Too Love Bella seems to have similar feelings at the moment … I feel so sorry for you. My sister-in-law is also infertile and will never have children. Which is sad if you see how good she is with my two kids. So I do feel sad for you as well. Big big hugs

    February 22, 2012 at 2:20 pm
    • Reply Sharon

      LM and I are so similar in all we experience that sometimes the lines between us as individuals become blurred! 🙂

      February 22, 2012 at 2:21 pm
  • Reply Cat@jugglingactoflife

    Much love

    February 22, 2012 at 2:36 pm
  • Reply darylfaure

    I feel the same Sharon. I felt so much better after Dylan was born, but now I’m starting to feel that bitter feeling again when I see or hear another pregnancy announcement. I hate that I still feel this way

    February 22, 2012 at 6:51 pm
  • Reply Lena

    Well written Sharon! It explains exactly how I feel too. Praying that your 2nd miracle arrives with God given haste. *HUGS*

    February 23, 2012 at 12:59 am
  • Reply Kat

    Oh yes. The second pregnancy announcements sting so much. It’s still sometimes shocking to me that there are people out there who not only manage to get pregnant…but then do it again! And sometimes even a third time!! It’s just so unfair. I’ve been writing that a lot lately but it’s the truth. It’s all just not fair.

    February 23, 2012 at 3:37 am
  • Reply adesolaf

    Sending you loads of hugs, kisses and love and praying as always that God’s will be done in His own time

    February 23, 2012 at 8:48 am
  • Reply Amber

    I was quite shocked at how much the additional pregnancy announcements stung and how I had to deal with everything all over again! I’m right there with you!

    p.s. I love love love your blog, but do almost all my blog reading through a rss reader app on my iphone and your’s only posts the first few lines before you have to jump to the blog. I’m sure you have reasons for having it set up like this, but just thought I’d let ya know! Will try to make more of an effort to actually read on the computer than on my teeny iphone!

    February 23, 2012 at 8:49 pm
  • Reply Alison

    The JOY of turning forty…..when i turned forty, i refused all invitations to baby showers ect ect. I explained that i refuse to put myself through this anymore, i wish you well and love and all of the above but going into a baby shop, looking at little “stuff” and sitting through the ”oohhh and ahhhhh cute…”‘ – no can do.

    People either except it or they don’t. I protect myself, friends get a HUGE Wollies vouchers and Bob’s your uncle…!

    But joking aside, i don’t think it gets any easier ever. But we do get strong and we do get better AT it….and after forty….we joke!!

    February 24, 2012 at 11:53 am
  • Reply TJ

    Sharon, I hope & pray with and for you – that your wait will not be much longer.

    March 1, 2012 at 11:11 am
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