I Believe In Miracles!

One of the saddest things, when looking back on my journey through infertility, is how I allowed my experience to rob me of my faith. As the years past and our journey to parenthood took a greater and greater toll on me, physically, emotionally & spiritually, I gradually started to loose faith. Faith myself. Faith in my body. But worst of all was loosing faith and no longer believing in miracles. I had a saying, which I became known for amongst my IF friends – I believe in miracles, they just don’t happen to me!

Faith, for me, is believing that in spite of all the bad that was happening, in spite of how many times I got knocked down, in spite of the poor odds that faced us each time I miscarried ( From miscarriage 1 – 3 a woman’s chance of having another miscarriage is reduced by over 50% with each subsequent pregnancy, from miscarriage 3 & above her chances of successfully carrying a pregnancy start to reduce by the same percentage) just dragged me deeper and deeper into the belief that I wasn’t going to get a miracle. That in the face of the odds we faced, there was little to no hope for us.

Obviously, we must have had some tiny flicker of hope somewhere deep inside to keep going, to keep dusting ourselves off and trying again. Or perhaps it was more a matter of pig-headed determination to not give up, no matter the odds.

It makes me a little sad to look back and see how my faith was shaken. After all, isn’t faith believing in something, in spite of how bad the odds are?

Enter Ava-Grace!

And with the way she came into our lives – 3 weeks from starting the adoption assessments to her actual birth and literally in a very short period of time my faith was restored. But my faith came back as something different, something greater than what it had been before. Instead of just having faith, I now have blind faith. I have learned that in spite of the odds, no matter how truly impossible an obstacle may seem to overcome, with blind faith, it can and it will be over come.

Hence our decision to adopt a second time. We have been told by our SW’s that it is harder to get selected the second time. That the process from application to selection will be longer and that it may even not happen. And yet, I refuse to be beaten by those odds, I refuse to step down and give up. I’m standing on blind faith that there will be another child. That God will once again, seemingly effortlessly,  flick aside the giant obstacle in front of it and he will once again bless us with another miracle.

That’s the thing about having such blind faith. I’ve also stopped believing that miracles are limited. I don’t believe that because He gave us this incredible miracle once, that He won’t grant us another one.

Ava’s arrival in our lives has taught me about blind faith, about miracles, about how God wants to bless us and He wants to give us so much more than even we imagined.

I believe in miracles. And most importantly, I believe that miracles are not limited to a select few or that the number of miracles one can receive are limited.

Welcoming Another Miracle

I live daily, 6 months in to our second wait, reminding myself of Luke 11:9

So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.

And so as my miracle welcomes another miracle, I standing in faith, I am believing in another miracle, I am asking with an expectant heart and I am knocking and waiting for that door to be opened. But most of all, I have faith that I shall receive, that the door will be opened.

Now head over to Ginger’s blog and read the details of how her miracle unfolded.

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  • Reply charne

    beautiful Shaz!!
    Believing with you that another miracle will enter into your family and that 3 will become 4

    October 3, 2011 at 3:45 pm
  • Reply St. Elsewhere

    I hope it will not be too long. May the repeat miracle happen sooner than later.

    October 4, 2011 at 3:02 pm
  • Reply Miela

    Hi, I really hope that you will not have to wait so long this time.

    For me, it is still difficult to believe in miracles. I am still feeling that they only happen to other people. It’s difficult to see the silver lining if you are still standing in the dark. Reading about your miracle and Ginger’s gives me hope. I am trying to keep an open mind about this miracle thing. I really hope there is one waiting for me as well, I can just not see it yet.

    October 4, 2011 at 3:39 pm
  • Reply Mash

    I’m so with you on that. I have no idea anymore how my miracle is going to happen, I just know now, that it will. Your story gave me faith, LM’s story gave me faith and I still want to sob about Ginger’s story and how much that just boosts my faith. I’ve been skipping around in my life since then. My FS just told friend’s of ours that adopting a baby within their race group was impossible, well, it isn’t. Had I not been online with you girls, I would never have known that. It’s only through believing that something is possible that a door opens for you to see the way to get it! AND! My friend sent me an email from an astrologer on how this is just the best week in many, many, many years to come for putting your wishes out to the universe. So get clear on how it looks and wait for it to arrive 🙂

    October 4, 2011 at 10:14 pm
  • Reply To Love Bella

    My mom used to recite that piece to us aaaall the time as kids!!
    Even though I went to Sunday school as a child and was eventually confirmed, I have never been religious in terms of what someone people think (or term to be religious) – i.e. I didn’t read a bible and the only time I attended church was to go to a wedding or a funeral. I didn’t “pray”, but I certainly chatted ‘up there’ alot. In the beggining of our TTC journey, I begged alot! And as time wore on, I begged more and I asked alot of questions. And as we experienced our losses and our failures I shouted!!! And then I ignored. And then I resented. A whooooole lot. And then I was FURIOUS! I couldn’t understand what it was that we had done ‘wrong’.
    And then a colleague gave me a book called ‘The Shack’. And then I went on a sabbatical all alone to a retreat in McGregor. I was in a bad, bad place and didn’t know HOW to get myself out. I had various sessions with a counselor (including hypnosis) and had healing massages. And then I read The Shack. It took me a day to read and by 17:00 I had reached the end of the book and I sat there crying. And for the first time in many years, I actually felt a ‘presence’. I felt at peace and I knew that our time would come. I don’t know HOW, but I just knew. I don’t know if it was the book – or a combo of the message from the book and all the sessions I’d had. But something ticked over.
    My faith took a while, but it is restored. Not a day goes by that I am not saying THANK YOU for my child. I say ‘just LOOK at what You have given me! Just look at her perfection’. I promise you – not a single day goes by when I’m not saying / expressing my thanks.
    While I still don’t go to Church or read the bible – or anything else that makes some people think that you are ‘not religious’ – I am thankful and I have started chatting again.
    While my outlook on religion is wide open, my belief is restored.

    October 5, 2011 at 7:29 am
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