In My Most Selfish Moments…

When I’m only thinking about myself and my family, I fantasize….

I fantasize that our beautiful birth mother surrogated a baby for us. Her eggs, Walter’s sperm, her carrying our baby which would undoubtedly result in an almost perfect carbon copy of Ava, a perfect half brother or sister for Ava. One that would, almost certainly look like her. Just like Ava and her birth mother, this child too, would have those beautiful full lips, thick, glossy, soft curly hair and the most precious tiny toes and petite little hands. Walter’s genetics would provide the dark. The dark in ways similar to Ava, the dark eyes, the dark hair, the subtle clefted chin, a characteristic prominent in Walter’s family.

When I look at Ava, I often smile. She has so many of Walter’s physical characteristics that it’s almost as if Walter and our beautiful birth mother got together to create this most perfect child that the three of us now share.

Of course, this is my most selfish moments when I’m only thinking of myself and not of our beautiful birth mother. I could never, in reality, wish such a fate on her a second time. I could never wish for her to be separated from another child born from her womb.

But with each passing month, as the yearning for a sibling for Ava grows stronger, I can’t help but fantasize….



  • cupcakemummy

    August 27, 2012 at 1:50 pm

    I had the worst pregnancy I could imagine, an unsupportive and abusive “sperm donor” though it did result in the love of my life – a gorgeous little blond bundle of inquisitive mischief. I vowed that I would never have a child again. In recent months I’ve been thinking how much I would love to experience a “happy” pregnancy but I am still adamant that I do not want another of my own.
    Last night I looked into becoming an egg donor but unfortunately being diagnosed as bipolar means I do not qualify to donate.
    After this post of yours I am very much considering being an “oven” for a family who’s is “broken”

    • Sharon

      August 27, 2012 at 1:54 pm

      That is a beautiful thing to do! If you are serious then contact Nurture and they will be able to assist you! You have no idea how much your selfless gift would mean to an infertile couple! xxx

    • Mash

      August 30, 2012 at 9:22 am

      Sharon, there are stories of birth mothers who have later donated eggs to the same family, recently panjels told me one and it’s a story from “our” social worker. My recommendation if you go down this route would actually be to use a different surrogate, don’t have the same person surrogate and donate the eggs. But definitely sounds like an amazing solution!

  • katherine

    August 27, 2012 at 6:19 pm

    Know all the laws have changed and it isn’t an easy path but when I read about your horrible experience I actually thought to myself, I wonder if they’d consider surrogacy????

    • Sharon

      August 28, 2012 at 8:32 am

      It is something we have considered, but to be totally honest, I don’t want to reopen the door to fertility treatment again. That part of our journey is well and truly over and not one I wish to revisit.

  • Julia

    August 27, 2012 at 8:24 pm

    Perfectly natural to fantasise. It’s a coping mechanism of sorts.
    I LOVE pregnancy and I would surrogate for someone in a heartbeat. Unfortunately DH will NOT entertain even the idea of it.

  • Tan

    August 28, 2012 at 12:02 pm

    Huge hugs Sharon. I often wish that somehow I could be a surrogate for Tay’s Parents but I also know how hard it would be for both of us. So I don’t think you are selfish just daydreaming.


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