It Was Predicted!

In June 2009, about 3 months before my fatal FET, which would also be my last round of fertility treatment, I went with a group of friends to see an Intuitive Healer. You can read about my experience here ( Intuitive Healer). I haven’t thought about that session in a very long time but I remembered something so utterly profound this weekend.

I have a friend in the ‘puter, who is right in the midst of trying to find her feet after the loss of her precious, long fought for baby girl, just a few days after her birth (please go show some love), who, spurred by a comment I had left on her blog, got into an emailed discussion with me on religion/spirituality and how that affects us when dealing with the trauma of IF and pregnancy and infant loss. I shared with her what I’d remembered the Intuitive Healer had told me during my session with her, about the spirits of my unborn children. I started thinking about my session with the Intuitive Healer and I remembered something so utterly profound! I really can’t believe I hadn’t remembered it till now.

I went with 2 friends so see the IH. Both of them had sessions before I had my session with her. Both of them had been told by her that they would have a child, one of them was even told the year her child would come. One of them is expecting her first child now and the other is not in the year yet when her child is predicted to come.

I, on the other hand, was not told any of that. I was not encouraged with the news that I’d have a child. What she asked me scared me at the time, because I didn’t understand it, but with hindsight,  I understand it perfectly.

She asked me how I’d feel if I never “had a child of my own?” I was quite besides myself at the question, I was terrified she was seeing something I couldn’t or wouldn’t see or acknowledge. But this weekend, suddenly, I realized what she was asking me, or rather what she was telling me.

When she asked me that question, I think the “own” was referring to genetics.  She wasn’t actually saying I’d never be a mother or I’d never have a child, she was letting me know that I was chosen for a different path, a path less travelled, a path more magical and more special than what even I had imagined.

My Adoption Tattoo - My Perfect Triangle Of Love

I look at Ava today and I think back on 2009 and how God was in control of my journey and He was guiding my path, even when I thought He was being cruel to me, He was preparing me, He was guiding us and all along it was to bring us to the point of Ava’s adoption. My 4th fresh IVF cycle was failing at the exact time of Ava’s conception. My session with the IH was around the time that Ava’s BM was ending her relationship with Ava’s BF, there was already a spirit linked to mine and mine to hers, in an intricate way that would involve another women’s spirit being linked, all 3 of us forming a perfect triangle of love.  My FET in the September, its subsequent BFP followed by my 7th miscarriage were all at the same time as our BM was discovering, with shock, that she was almost 7 months pregnant and making the painful decision to give Ava up for adoption and starting the counseling process with our SW.

Hindsight is an incredible thing. But one thing I know for sure, there was a far greater plan unfolding than even I could have imagined, the plan started showing itself to me, long before I even knew I was infertile, before I’d even met my husband I’d seen glimpses of it. Now I can look back at it all, so many years on, and see it was all unfolding, sometimes imperfectly and sometimes painfully, but always for the ultimate goal, always for the ultimate gift, always for the ultimate perfection that is Ava.

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  • Reply bratty37

    Wow..I love stories like this…
    Knowing what you have just figured out, aren’t you keen to go and see the IH again?

    May 24, 2011 at 10:55 am
    • Reply Sharon

      Nope! I went to see her at a time when I was desperate for answers, so close to giving up and she gave me what I needed.

      I am happy to live and watch the remainder of the plan simply unfold!

      May 24, 2011 at 10:57 am
  • Reply darylfaure

    The Lord truly does work in mysterious ways, and his timing is always perfect. I love it when we can look back on something and see the perfect timing and miracle of it all.
    Your post really moved me Sharon.

    May 24, 2011 at 12:32 pm
  • Reply Christelle

    I love reading blog posts that evoke emotions from me, so on that note….thanks for sharing this story with us.

    I will have to go and re-apply my mascara after reading this, but thanks anyway.

    It is amazing how our lives do follow a path that seems (at first) to not make any sense at all. But it is when we look back that we see a pattern or path emerging.

    Oh, and love the tattoo!

    May 24, 2011 at 1:06 pm
  • Reply waiting4amiracle

    You know I was wondering about your reading the other day. I was going to go back in your blog and look for it. It really is amazing how things happen.

    I was wondering today…… Our appointment with the SW’s in CT was a bit of a miracle because we only got it because someone else cancelled. Somewhere, somehow I believe that there must be a reason behind that. This is of course when I allow myself to hope and dream. 🙂

    May 24, 2011 at 2:41 pm
  • Reply Nisey

    Sharon, your thoughts mirror mine completely. We are all meant to have the experiences that seem so difficult at the time, they prepare us for what lies ahead and in our cases we were preparing for our adopted children, the souls that always knew where we were. I can’t even begin to imagine NOT being Jaden’s mom, He was born as I embarked on my final IVF, I was looking for my baby and sadly he took longer to find me but find me he did…

    May 24, 2011 at 3:41 pm
  • Reply embracingtherain

    Thanks so much for stopping by my blog and for your kind words.

    May 25, 2011 at 5:08 am
  • Reply To Love Bella

    Pretty amazing – enough to bring on a set of goosebumps.
    I had one tell me in around 1996 that I’d have twins and I’d end up being a writer. But it was the one I saw in 2002 who was ‘right’.
    I asked about when I’d be pg and she told me I’d be pg by March of 2003. And she was right – even though I lost that baby at 10 weeks. Thinking back, I do remember her being cautious of telling me.
    As for your thoughts on linking spirits and such – spot on. I agree totally. We have NO idea of the magnitude. NO idea.

    May 25, 2011 at 7:47 am
  • Reply C

    Very powerful post. Thank you so much for sharing this. I really needed to read this today.

    Visiting from ICLW!

    May 25, 2011 at 9:42 am
  • Reply Mash

    That’s the thing, if someone says to you in the midst of your pain, surrender to God’s plan, you want to throw something at them… but really, it’s true. Surrendering to God’s plan didn’t mean not having fertility treatment, fertility treatment was integral in your path. I guess it just means knowing that the best thing will happen.

    Something else that stands out for me is the number 7, 7 miscarriages, discovering her pregnancy at 7 months. 7 is a biblical number, like 3 and 12. (7 years of famine etc). Would be interesting if you found a third seven, because in the bible, 7’s usually come in threes!

    May 25, 2011 at 11:14 am
    • Reply Sharon

      Mash, I always had a theory throughout my infertility journey… the ending had already been determined, I just had to keep forging ahead and keep trying all the avenue’s available to me in the hope of eventually reaching the end.

      I don’t regret trying all the the IVF’s, they were essential in molding me and in helping me come to the decision to try and adopt.

      May 25, 2011 at 11:32 am
  • Reply orbit365


    May 25, 2011 at 9:18 pm
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