I’ve Been Thinkig… (Never A Good Thing)

…about the dreaded waiting for selection. I’m very thankful that we did not wait for Ava. We literally had our screening and 3 weeks later, we were holding our new born baby. The wait must be extremely taxing, emotionally & spiritually, like an extended 2ww after an IVF. It must test ones patience on a whole new level, make one question ones faith, make one ask why not me? I am very thankful we did not experience that the first time around. And of course, the wait the second time around is hugely different. There isn’t the same level of desperation which means that most of the time I’m ok with the waiting.

But what about when opportunity comes knocking? Do we grab every opportunity that finds us, or do we wait patiently on our SW to find the right opportunity for us?

Their are pro’s and con’s and debates for an against both options. Of course, our stand point has always been that we need to take every opportunity that comes our way, grab it with both hands and go with it, see where it takes us, if it’s meant to be, it will be. If it’s part of God’s plan it will work out as it should. This can, and often does lead to a lot of heartache but like anything worth having in life, one has to be willing to take a chance, make a gamble, nothing ventured, nothing gained and all of that.

So far we have not hit the jackpot, so to speak, by grabbing at every opportunity that came our way. We have been approached five times in the past 7 years to adopt a child.

The first time ended in a bidding war, and we bowed out, determined that we didn’t want adopting a child to become a financial transaction where the highest bidder was ultimately the “winner”. The very thought of that makes me feel sick to my stomach.

The second opportunity to present itself ended in abortion.

The third went no where, just a whole lot of talk and kept us on tenterhooks waiting in anticipation only to be let down and disappointed in the end.

The fourth ended in the death of a precious infant.

The last one was just last week but turned out to be fostering with the intent to adopt, but no guarantee’s that that would ever pan out. And to be honest, things are different the second time around. It’s no longer just about Walter and I, we have Ava to think about as well. Her well being, her safety, her emotions also need to be protected. And we both felt it was risky to bring an infant into our home, present him/her as Ava’s brother or sister and allow them to bond knowing that there was always going to be this possibility that the infant could be removed and placed back with his/her parents. The adoption process would take in excess of 2 years and would be a long hard struggle. We just didn’t feel it was right for us.

A fellow Mommy via adoption has also been approached to adopt a baby due in a couple of months. They have opted to rather pass the information on to their SW and allow her to handle the selection and placement. A very difficult decision for them, I’m sure. A decision different to the one we would have and have made.

But, knowing what I know from my own experience, probably the right decision. Does that mean we (Walter & I) will not grab any opportunity that may present itself to us? And the answer is simple. No. For each of us this journey is different. The choices and considerations are different. There is no right or wrong way.

We’re still hoping and praying for a placement from our SW in 2012…. the year is gearing up for something great for us and we are so hopeful!




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  • Reply Lea White

    I think you’ll know in your heart when the right opportunity comes knocking and just taking an opportunity simply for taking it is not always the answer.

    January 19, 2012 at 12:27 pm
    • Reply Sharon

      In our mind, its the only way to know for sure and not live with the what if’s…..

      January 19, 2012 at 12:30 pm
  • Reply Stefanie


    I truly hope that 2012 will hold everything you want. Good luck, thinking of you

    January 20, 2012 at 9:45 am
  • Reply To Love Bella

    As you well know, I have SO much hope for you for 2012! I really do. You are so right – a second placement is, in many ways, so different to a first. So much more to take into consideration.

    I hope – with all my heart – that this is the year for you, Walter and Ava-Grace.


    January 20, 2012 at 9:54 am
  • Reply Sian

    I know it will be different the second time for us as well………and then its not only you that you have to think of. Jayden would be the first thing on my mind. Its going to happen for you this year!!!

    January 20, 2012 at 2:20 pm
  • Reply TJ

    May 2012 be what you as a family need, and if your desires are fullfilled then that’s fantastic. Your year is off to a great start, may it continue so!

    January 20, 2012 at 11:14 pm
  • Reply Stacey

    I truly hope that 2012 will bring all that you hope for. I’m excited to see what will come for you and your precious family. Praying for you as you face all of these decisions, that your path will be made clear!

    January 22, 2012 at 6:08 am
  • Reply Ems mommy

    yes it was a difficult decision and i am glad that you support the decision we made even though it is different to what you and walter would have done

    January 23, 2012 at 5:00 pm
  • Reply Julia

    Sjoe. I think that if and when the opportunity presents itself, YOU WILL KNOW. Praying for you for a swift waiting period.

    January 27, 2012 at 6:22 pm
  • Reply adesolaf

    Wishing you God’s guidance and may His will come to pass in the life of your family

    January 29, 2012 at 5:11 pm
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