I’m in a very weird head space. Like really weird. Like last night I actually seriously contemplated shutting down my blog and social media profiles. I was feeling overwhelmed with all that I’ve taken on wondering what was the point of it all. But then I had an idea for a backdrop I want to use for an image that will come up on my blog next week and I realised, I’m not ready to quit, I love this little creative space, maybe the answer is that I need to put less pressure on myself to churn out content.
I have a lot on my plate, don’t we all…..
I know, without a doubt, I have the disease of busyness. Gah, the scourge of modern society right? This constant scramble to get ahead, to keep my head above water. I’m really struggling to find balance. Actually scrap that, it’s reached the point where I don’t even want to find balance anymore, I just want it all to go away. I want sit on my arse with a cup of coffee and a book and just be left alone. Of course, I know if that were to actually happen I’d get anxious from the idleness of it and look for something to do.
Transition & Change
I think some of it has to do with the weird space I’m in work wise. Leaving my job after more than 12 years and moving on has not been an easy decision. An exciting one for sure, but I’m sort of in a transition phase at the moment work wise and it’s weird. Plans are being made for the remainder of the year that I won’t need to execute and I feel a bit like I’m in limbo. I think this has definitely contributed towards me feeling antsy and anxious. I have two weeks left and I’m kind of drifting…..
The work I do for Love-A-Bull takes it’s toll too. It’s hard guys. It’s really hard. Even though I’m not directly involved with the rescues, I run their Twitter, Instagram and Website for them and curate their sponsorship program. I’m also an admin on their Face Book pages and if you saw half the stuff on the back end….. I have lost faith in our humanity. Honestly. Puppies sold at 5 weeks old to wear chains and be guard dogs, dogs beaten, dogs abused, dogs spending their lives on a chain with no access to shelter or water. I wish I could save them all. I wish I could bring them all to my home. But I can’t and we can’t save them all. I just have to keep reminding myself that the tiny contribution I do make does make a difference.
There are incredible stories too. Just two weeks ago, Gucci, who has been at Love-A-Bull for TWO YEARS waiting for her forever family got adopted and I literally cried when I heard the news. So while we’re not making a difference to all dogs, we are making a difference to some dogs and I like to claim a tiny portion of that.
I had a long chat with Love-A-Bull’s founder last night. Judy, she’s an amazing woman, an absolute powerhouse, she is the absolute soul behind this rescue, a warrior for the breed and while I was in tears and feeling hopeless and like we are fighting a losing battle, she reminded me of this quote:
And I guess that’s why I do it. Why any of us do it. Because I am haunted by it. Because it breaks my heart and makes me question our humanity, but for the dogs we do save, for the dogs we do rehome, we are changing their world.
We’re having an event on Saturday evening for Love-A-Bull, if you’re in Jozi, I’d love it if you’d join us!
Anyway, that’s it. I’m tired. I’m sad. I’m feeling overwhelmed. I’m going to yell instructions at my kids in the shower and then sit down with a glass of wine and my book.
My children recently discovered the joy of showering! I can’t tell you how much time this is saving me! No more long drawn out bath times! I sit on the closed toilet while they’re both in the shower, yelling instructions: arms, legs, feet, bums, faces & they’re in & out in under 2 minutes! This is a parental win!
So till next time…..