My Daughter Has Learned I’m Not Perfect.

I’ve had my most guilt ridden experience since becoming a mother in the past week. I’m still chewing on a chunk of guilt and I’m really starting to wonder if I’m going to be able to forgive myself. Perhaps when my daughters wounds have healed. Maybe then I’ll feel less guilty, maybe then I’ll be able to offer myself a little bit of kindness and let go of some of the guilt. I’ll tell you all about it but first… a question: (yes I am asking for opinions now)

When did your toddlers start showing signs that they were self-aware enough that you could start introducing a pottie? Because of the incident I’m referring to, Ava has become very self-aware and now when she needs to make number 2, she will start walking around saying: “Poo! Poo! Poo! Poo!”, then once she’s actually done the number 2, she runs over to me crying and tries to lead me in the direction of her room for a nappy change, if I don’t immediately oblige, she will start the “poo! poo!” rant all over again. So I’m thinking that perhaps we can start introducing a pottie? Just a nice slow introduction, I’m not actually expecting her to do anything just yet, but she can start getting used to the sight and idea of it.

So what led to this self-awareness you ask?

*hangs head in shame*

Right, so I told you all I’ve been sick, I’m now into my third week of being really sick. Was back at the Dr yesterday and have been put on my second set of antibiotics in 2 weeks, a stronger one that forms part of a 7 day course, and that if I’m still not better, I have to come in for another follow-up – and what he said next terrified me – because they will then need to run some tests to check for auto immune diseases & certain cancers like leukemia. I almost fainted at that!

Anyways, I started out two weeks ago with a sore throat that within a matter of 24 hours spread into my chest and within another 24 hours, I had lost my voice completely and begun wheezing. The first round of antibiotics finished and my chest was clear and my voice came back but I was still fairly snotty. Then on about Wednesday last week, I noticed I had completely lost my sense of smell & taste. I still can’t smell anything! Nothing! And it spiralled downwards from there into full-blown sinusitis – something I’ve never had in my life before, but the pain, oh the pain of the past week, I’m hoping I’ll never have it again!

So on Thursday, I came home from work (it was probably stupid, in hind sight, to have even gone back to work) and Loveness left for the day and I was alone with Ava. Thursday’s Walter has varsity, so I see to her by myself on Thursday evenings. I gave her the usual buffet supper, which she was happily wandering around munching on when suddenly out of the blue she started to cry. I did all the usual checks but could find nothing wrong, so thought nothing of it. A few minutes later and she was crying again and trying to sit on my lap. So a cuddle and a soft word and she was back to munching and wandering around. This went on and off for 30 minutes when all of a sudden she started screaming and became completely inconsolable! I tried to calm her down but nothing would work, so I thought perhaps she’s just really tired (she crossed another milestone a few weeks ago and now is only having one nap a day) so I took her to her bedroom to get her ready to bath – still with no clue as to what was going on, except for the fact that she didn’t want to wrap her legs around me like she usually does when I carry her, nor would she sit on her changing mat, she made her body stiff as a plank, but I still had no clue… until I removed her nappy. Oh the shame!

My poor baby had made one of those horrible, watery, acidic, burny, stinking (obviously I couldn’t smell it) teething poo’s and it had not just made her bottom a bit red, it had given her full on ugly nappy rash! Everything was agonizing for her. She wouldn’t let me clean it, kept crossing her legs over and crying, she cried when I put her in the bath and cried each time we had to change her nappy for 24 hours after the incident.

And so now my daughter has learned her mama is not perfect and that sometimes she needs to tell me when she wants to make a poo.

Oh the shame!

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  • Reply Mash

    I know nothing about these things, but I think it’s a perfect opportunity for pottie training!

    May 4, 2011 at 11:21 am
  • Reply Nisey

    Whatever it takes to get them to the loo…

    p.s. if you though people had a LOT of assvice before just wait until you start potty training – ROFL

    you will be inundated by EVERYONE from here to Cairo with the BEST or ONLY way to potty train – best you put your rhino suit on now!

    May 4, 2011 at 11:53 am
  • Reply lea2109

    Best advice we got was when they woke up from a nap and nappy was dry it meant they had sufficient control and was ready for toilet training – some kids are ready early some are later on. When we started it took all of a week and they were completely daytime toilet trained. Other parents used a different strategy, started their kids much younger and for some it took really really long – as long as 6 months in some cases. So we decided to wait a bit longer because we didn’t want our kids to feel all stressed about it. Both mine at Ava’s age also hated it when they made a poo and insisted on having their nappies changed, but they were not fully ready for toilet training at that stage. Neither of them showed any interest in a potty, so much so that when we recently found the potty we bought when Bianca was really little, it still had the price tag on. We never actually used it. Tried to get them interested in it. But they hated it with a passion. Both mine much preferred to sit with a little seat on the toilet.

    If you feel that she is ready, go for it. All kids are different and all kids reach their milestones at different times.

    May 4, 2011 at 11:56 am
  • Reply Christelle

    If it will make you feel any better, that exact same thing has happened to me on two separate occasions. The only difference is, I was not sick… no excuses for me!

    I know how the guilt can eat at you and nothing I say will make it any better. My daughter had blisters on her bum from the poo nappy. The worst was that I was angry with her because I thought she was being naughty…..can you smell my shame???

    May 4, 2011 at 1:24 pm
  • Reply suestuart

    Oh shame Sharon, I can just imagine! I am not looking forward to potty training in the least! I’m not even thinking about it yet, but I am probably going to go the route that Lea did, with the little seat on the toilet. Sorry if TMI but Katy shows a lot of interest in what goes on in the bathroom!

    May 4, 2011 at 3:20 pm
  • Reply gailsnail

    Hi Sharon

    1. Re: Potty Training.
    We were advised not to “potty train” but rather “toilet train” with one of those seats. If you potty train now, you will need to toilet train later which is 2 steps, rather than 1 🙂
    Kyla could tell me she had done a wee or a poo from around 18 months but she was only completely toilet trained at 2. I think this was largely due to the fact that I kept her in nappies and she knew she could still “make oopsies”. Once I put her in panties (as her school asked me to when she turned 2) she was fully toilet trained in less than a month. At night too!

    2. Re: Poo incident
    Don’t beat yourself up about it! None of us are perfect. I have knocked my kids’ heads, one of them has rolled off a bed, I have cut fingers with nail clippers and pinch legs in carseats. And you are SO SICK so couldn’t smell.

    Much love

    May 4, 2011 at 5:14 pm
  • Reply darylfaure

    I won’t even begin to tell you the number of stupid guilt inducing things I have done with Dylan, so please don’t beat yourself up. Just proves you are a mom I don’t think there is one mom out there who doesn’t have a number of hair curling stories to tell. Just start saving now for her therapy fund later (hee hee).
    As to the potty training – well I’ll give you advice when I have Dylan potty trained, but sounds like you may have Ava trained before then, so for now I’ll just keep quiet.

    May 4, 2011 at 6:58 pm
  • Reply aussiekim

    Hands up all the perfect mothers out there???

    Sharon there is no such thing!! You are a great mum. Chill out a bit and don’t be so hard on yourself.



    May 5, 2011 at 1:21 am
  • Reply mayflowerladybugs

    Poor you! Don’t beat yourself up too much it has happened yo all of us!

    Re potty training Danielle was 21 months and the twins 2 when they potty trained. It is definitely easier if you wait till they are ready but getting a potty so long and introducing it is definitely worth it. Everyone most certainly has their own opinions on this subject! I used potties to begin with (the ones with the detachable seats that fits onto the toilet seat) and then switched to the loo, for us that posed no problems. Both the twins are still in nappies at night – that can take months after they are daytime trained before they are dry at night, that is perfectly normal. I also believe that once they ‘get’ it (that they are supposed to wee int he potty) and you commit to potty training, switch to panties even though you’ll have some accidents, leaving a nappy on will definitely slow things down. Anyway, there are a million ways of doing it, and Ava will show you how she wants it done, but being aware at this age is a quite well done already!

    May 5, 2011 at 8:45 am
  • Reply orbit365

    You were sick and you couldn’t have known. And she has forgiven you a long time ago already. Forgive yourself and move on. We all mistakes. Hope you are feeling better. Hugs.xx

    May 5, 2011 at 9:06 pm
  • Reply aussiekim

    Feeling any better Sharon?


    May 7, 2011 at 6:54 am
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