Just like Sam, I received a proverbial kick in the nads from my long aquinted but most unwelcome friend, INFERITLITY, on Thursday evening. Its easy to forget the effect that this all has on W. I think mostly because he doesn’t talk about it much, in fact, I think the only person he does talk to about it is Stian, Elize’s husband. But every now and again, I get a glimpse into his hurt and it hurts me more than words can describe, it hurts more than a painful kick in the nads could possibley hurt. It knocks the wind out of my sails, sucks the breath out of me. I hate it I hate it I hate it, I would do anything for him to NEVER have to experience this pain.

He has a colleague who’s quite a few years younger than us, around 25 years old. I met him and his wife for the first time at W’s unbelievabley boring year end function in early December. At the time, I remember him asking us in a very innocent way why we didn’t have children? I guess its kinda obvious that I’m in my mid to late 30’s and he was confused by why we didn’t have kids. It was painful being asked that question and I was relieved when W gave him some flip answer that got us off the hook of the long explanations and then unwanted assvice that was sure to follow.  At the time, this young dude told us that he and his wife had recently had a MASSIVE fight because she wanted to try and get pregnant right away and he wanted to wait a little.

Well, lo and behold, guess what?? Yup! You’re right, she’s pregnant!  What hurt me was the look on W’s face when he told me last night about how young dude called him over to his desk to show him the pictures of their first scan!! OMG! It felt like the most painful kick in the nads.

What was even worse was hearing W tell me that he’s so jaded by all of this, that his first reaction, on seeing the pics, was to want to warn the young dude that they weren’t out of the woods and that at only 7 weeks the risk for miscarriage was still high but that he managed to keep these thoughts to himself. He says he dislikes himself for thinking that way.

OMG, it hurt so much!