My Love Language(s)

Marcia, from 1,2,3 Blog has done a few postings about the 5 Love Languages and after an in-depth discussion with a close friend, I decided it was time to take the test to determine exactly what my love languages are.

I know that I have a tendency to conduct my relationship’s in a very similar manner to guys and I’m very thankful to have many friends who accept that is just the way I am, I, by no means want to come across as thoughtless or selfish, I just conduct myself differently. I don’t do long telephone conversations, actually, far from it, I HATE talking on the phone and I find SMS’s, BBM’s, phone calls disruptive to whatever I happen to be busy with at the time. Also, if I’m going through a tough time, I prefer to not be asked about it but to rather volunteer information to a friend when I feel ready, over a glass of wine, face to face. I’m not the type that will spend an evening having a conversation via BBM. I won’t phone you to shoot the breeze. I just don’t do that. And its not because I dont care about my friends, I just don’t operate that way. I don’t do drama and I lack the time, energy & patience for anything high maintenance and in return, you’ll get a friend who is surprisingly uncomplicated and very very low maintenance. You don’t need to call me, text me, BBM me regularly, just touch base with me via Twitter or FB or my blog and I’m more than happy till the next time we sit down together with a bottle of wine.

So during a discussion with a friend earlier this week, she mentioned that she had come to realize that with me, it wasn’t a matter of being thoughtless, it was a matter of different love languages and that got me thinking back to the postings that Marcia had done on this very topic and I decided to take the online quiz.

The results were astounding and I would have to say pretty spot on! When I think back on some key times in my life when I felt loved and appreciated by my spouse and by others – the test really reflected this.

Apparently I am bilingual – I have 2 primary love languages – Acts of service and quality time. These really do ring true for me. The things that have touched me the most are really simple things like…

Walter starting a load of washing when he see’s the laundry basket is full & he knows I’m busy with something.

When Ava was born, on Saturday evening, utterly exhausted and shattered, a friend arrived unexpectedly at our front door, laden with a tray, loaded with a fully cooked dinner.

I love one on one time with friends and family, sitting around chatting, I think that’s why I enjoy my BB dinners so much!

Walter and I have totally different love languages, his love languages are physical contact and words of affirmation with the latter being most dominant.

Having my friends do something to make my life easier, or spending time together is far more important to me than anything else. I think that is why the things I have appreciated the most have very little do with the physical gifts and way more to do with time spent  together. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I don’t love receiving a gift, because I do, I love the surprise as much as the next guy it’s just not what makes me feel loved as much as time or service does.

Affirmations don’t work for me either, they make feel uncomfortable and I find them overly mushy and sentimental – difficult one when your partner has affirmations as top of his list. I’m not very good at giving or receiving affirmations and this is something I’ll have to work on.

I’d recommend everyone who hasn’t done the quiz do it, its given me such great insight into what makes me tick and also has helped me to feel less guilty about coming across as thoughtless at times because I think that the people know me best will know that that is not the case. That if they need an ear, I’ll be there for them, if they need assistance, I’ll be there, I will probably just forget to sms and ask them how they’re doing a few days later….



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  • Reply bratty37

    I bought the Book a few years ago….recommended by our Counsellor. My languages of love are the Acts of Service….my B is spot on with Walter. It took awhile for me to get used to all the hugging and kissing..but I did!!!!! And my B is alot happier…smile
    PS….I hate affirmations..I always feel like you are making fun of me or talking aload of BULL…smile…

    March 18, 2011 at 12:58 pm
  • Reply darylfaure

    Interesting! I’m busy reading the Five Love Languages of Children. Never actaully thought about the difference in adults. Will go and take the quiz and see the results.

    March 18, 2011 at 2:08 pm
  • Reply coachmarcia

    Sharon, thanks for the linky love (you are speaking my love languages 🙂 both in the words and in the act of service!) – I love that you wrote a post about it too.

    It is fascinating stuff – talking at cross purposes with one’s spouse just because you express love in different ways.

    I’ll post part 3 sometime on the weekend and would be interested to know if you already get glimpses into what Ava’s love language is.

    Have a fab weekend!

    Marcia from

    March 18, 2011 at 4:25 pm
  • Reply orbit365

    I also have 2 Primary Love Languages. I scored a 9 on both Words of Affirmation and Physical Touch. I scored an 8 on Quality Time. Clearly I am rather high maintenance. My DH has Acts of Service as his Primary Love Language. Do yourself a favour and get the book. It is definitely a brilliant read. I am going to get the one for children as soon as I can.

    March 18, 2011 at 5:46 pm
  • Reply merphin

    It was very interesting but spot on also – will be making DP take it when he gets home 🙂 I am very much 2 of these languages – words and service and i wonder what he will get as we are very different people….will update when we know.

    March 18, 2011 at 8:54 pm
  • Reply waiting4amiracle

    I’ve also got the book, but never got through it. I’ve just done the test. My love language is primarily Acts of service and then quality time. If I think about relationships that are working out at the moment….I realize that is what is missing. Do you also find that you treat people with your love language. So for me to say I appreciate you I would; Have you over for a braai; meet up for a drink or do something nice for you. For example I have organised a family photo shoot for my Grans 80th. That is an act of service + quality time………..interesting hey.

    March 20, 2011 at 12:23 pm
  • Reply Hanneke C

    Interesting, we went to a marriage seminar not that long ago and there they also talked about the love languages! Albert’s love language is acts of service, my love language is quality time and it has taken some time to show each other love with the correct love language. It’s helpful though ;).

    March 21, 2011 at 2:10 am
  • Reply Mash

    I did a post on this a few months ago, I’m definitely a quality time girl. My scores were:

    7 Words of Affirmation
    11 Quality Time
    1 Receiving Gifts
    7 Acts of Service
    4 Physical Touch

    SO not interested in gifts!

    March 21, 2011 at 11:43 am
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