Profile Stress

Putting together our adoption profile was very intense and extremely stressful. How on earth do you adequately capture on paper the essence of why a woman should choose you to raise her child?? How do you come across as likable? When we were with our SW on Monday, she had shown us some of the profiles they had to give us idea’s for our own profile. I found the profiles we viewed very very tacky & extremely intimidating. They appeared to be brag books about how amazing some people think they are.  None of them left me feeling warm and fuzzy, if I was the BM (birth Mom) I’m not sure there were any we viewed that I would choose if I was in her shoes.

I think part of my feelings are because their profiles left me feeling inadequate. The point of the profiles we viewed were clearly to show the birth mom how rich they are and how the baby would have everything money could buy offered to it, should they be successful. As an example:

And here is our house in Clifton, Cape Town, its a beach front property. And now here is our beach front apartment in Sydney and its only a 5 minute walk to the opera house. And this is our apartment in New York, it borders on Central Park! And here we are on holiday in Europe, here we are at the Aztec ruins in South America, this is us skiing in Switzerland.

Thankfully a couple of my IF sisters who have adopted were kind enough to share their adoption profile with us as well, this helped give us more balance and helped us create a more emotionally touching profile. I want the BM to like us, I want her to know how strongly this child is is desired and yearned for and not just by W and I but also by our families and friends. I want her to know that if she chose us, we’d strive to ensure that the child’s every need was met but more than that, her baby would be raised in a home where love, respect and friendship were the cornerstones of who we were and of who our child would ultimately become.

Being put in a position where we had to complete our profile in a couple of hours was very stressful. I kept thinking to myself that you never get a second chance to make a first impression. And how do we create that lasting first impression in such a short period of time with so much to say?

I guess its too late to worry about it now. Our profile arrives with our social worker today and gets presented to the BM tomorrow. I can only pray that who we are shines through the words and photo’s we’ve selected for our profile.

Two of my cousins are adopted, one of them sent me the most beautiful poem which I included in my profile, it speaks volumes of my thoughts on adoption:

Once there were two women
Who never knew each other
One you do not remember
The other you call mother
Two different lives shaped to make yours one
One became your guiding star
The other became your sun
The first gave you life
And the second taught you to live in it
The first gave you a need for love
And the second was there to give it
One gave you a nationality
The other gave you a name
One gave you the seed of talent
The other gave you an aim
One gave you emotions
The other calmed your fears
One saw your first sweet smile
The other dried your tears
One gave you up – it was all that she could do
The other prayed for a child
And God led her straight to you

Author Unknown

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  • Reply Yvonne

    Oh Shaz you have me in tears here.
    I am so desperately hoping and praying that you get picked.
    That is a beautiful poem, and I can only imagine that your entire profile matches up to it too.
    Good luck my friend, it feels like the life you have been longing for is within your grasp now.
    Thinking of you,

    November 27, 2009 at 10:39 am
  • Reply Gail

    Sharon, that poem is beautiful. I have tears in my eyes! I really hope the BM chooses you. I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers xx

    November 27, 2009 at 10:41 am
  • Reply SassyCupcakes

    You are an awesome, honest, loving woman who will be a great Mum. I’m sure that the expectant parents will see that in your profile. From what I’ve read EP’s aren’t looking for what kind of house you have, but the kind of people you are – how stable you are, what your values are, etc. That’s what is most important. I hope you hear back soon!

    November 27, 2009 at 10:52 am
  • Reply Gwen

    Gosh, I’m trying to imagine putting myself in the BM’s shoes. If it were my child, I think ostentatious wealth would put me off. I would want my baby to be financially secure, but I wouldn’t want her raised by shallow or pretentious people. I suppose all people are different though, and you don’t know in advance what kind of person the BM is.

    November 27, 2009 at 11:15 am
  • Reply SCY

    You will be chosen – if not tomorrow another day cos lets face it, you and W are too wonderful to not be chosen.

    I pray it IS tomorrow!


    November 27, 2009 at 11:21 am
  • Reply Mash

    All you can do is be honest. Who knows what kind of person the BM is? 10 different BM’s will choose 10 different profiles. It doesn’t mean anything about whether you guys are good enough! It’s just about her personal preferences.

    I hope it works out for you this time, but if it doesn’t, it definitely will one day soon. Holding thumbs, fingers and toes for you!

    November 27, 2009 at 11:49 am
  • Reply Julia

    This poem made me cry.
    Praying for you and your hubby..xx

    November 27, 2009 at 3:39 pm
  • Reply Kirsty

    Beautiful poem! Good luck x

    November 27, 2009 at 8:39 pm
  • Reply Laura

    That is a beautiful poem. It must be very hard to write about yourself that way, as a perspective Mother for the child of a woman you have never met. Good luck with adopting. Wandering in from IComLeavWe.

    November 27, 2009 at 9:43 pm
  • Reply Sabine

    Absolutely beautiful and heartfelt. Holding everything for you.

    November 28, 2009 at 3:15 am
  • Reply Yvonne

    It’s time.
    And I’m sending loads of prayers your way.
    Really, deeply thinking of, and hoping for you and W, Shaz.
    I so hope this is It!

    November 28, 2009 at 8:08 am
  • Reply Chopper1

    Oh Sharon – what a beautiful poem. It had me in tears too. Been thinking of you today and I hope and pray that your time has come! xxx

    November 28, 2009 at 5:53 pm
  • Reply monica lemoine

    God, I can’t imagine that…it would be like creating the ultimate dating profile on, but way, way more serious than that. Is this like a one-time thing or can you make amendments? Wow, that would be stressful to put together. Agreeing with Sassy Cupcakes, though, and not just because I like her blog name. You will be an awesome “mum” and I think that will be reflected in your profile no matter which exact words you choose.

    November 29, 2009 at 8:07 am
  • Reply Abs

    Stunning Poem Sharon. I’m sure your profile is just perfect!You and W have been in my prayers all weekend and that is where you’ll stay until you get your good news! xx

    November 30, 2009 at 8:07 am
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