So my very first blog posting was about that expression: “The Wheel Turns…” Its something that really bothers me. Its something I think about a lot. Every religion is full of contradiction when it comes to this. We talk about Karma, about reaping what we sow, and yet when it comes to bad things in our lives, we choose to comfort ourselves by saying we did nothing to deserve this. I know I comfort myself often by saying this is just one of those things that sometimes in life…………….
That bad things happen to good people. But there is always that nagging voice, what if I’m wrong? What if my infertility is not excluded from reaping what you sow/karma. What if my infertility is as pay back for something? But I really battle with that sentiment as well. As a Christian, I’m really torn between believing in reaping what you sow and a forgiving God. I especially battle with this issue when it comes to my infertility. Mostly, I just try avoiding this subject all together because I could debate this forever and I’m not sure I’d ever come to a conclusion, there are so many pieces of literature, of evidence, of faith in religion that pull me in ever direction possible. So mostly I just try to ignore this topic all together.
But every now and again, something will happen that will jolt me, that will bring this topic out of the hazy recesses of my mind and get me thinking about/obsessing over whether I’m living in pay back or shit just happening. Today is another example, I received an email this morning, one of those, if you don’t sent this to 8 people, you’re going to have 7 years of bad luck, actually, this one was one of those Christian ones, so it stated that I had to send the email to 8 people and tomorrow I’d get a miracle. Aaarrrgghhh, I hate emails like that! Anyway, back to the point, one part of the email was a bible verse that got me thinking:
It is written in the Bible (Galatians 6:7):
‘Be not deceived; God is not mocked:
For whatsoever a man sow,
That shall he also reap.
So as a Christian then, should I not be believing that I’m reaping what I have sowed? Should I not be believing that I have done something to deserve my infertility?
My brain is buzzing now, I’m just creating more questions that answers for myself with this post. I’d be interested to hear all of your opinions? Perhaps I can find some answers there or at least get some peace. Perhaps my biggest problem is that there are things from my past that I’m deeply ashamed of and that I feel guilty about and my battle with this issue has more to do with my guilt over things from my past.