There is no such thing as happily ever after. After Ava’s birth, for a while there, it was as if time stood still and for a while I was wrapped in a cloak of warm, fuzzy, happiness but life happens and sooner or later I had to unwrap myself and step back into reality.

My current reality is not a happy place. I’m an emotional mess. Last night, we went to the airport to say goodbye to my cousin. She’s the closest thing I have to a sibling, we are 4 months and very close. I was devastated to wave them goodbye as they passed through passport control and started the adventure to a new life in Australia. They are also Ava’s guardians.  It was very hard to say goodbye.

While I was crying in the car on the way home, it suddenly dawned on me, I am the only one from my generation left here.  Everyone else is gone. My 2 cousin’s on my mother’s side both live in the UK. I have two nephew’s and a niece there that I barely know. I see them once every few years and obviously because of the distance, we’re no longer close.

Left here in SA was my cousin and my brother and I. Now my cousin is gone and my brother may as well be gone, in fact he is gone, he’s here in SA but he’s gone. I know that must sound cryptic but I don’t want to get into that – another reason why I’ve been so desperately  sad and anxious – here on this blog.

I feel so alone. I live 1400km’s from my parents, in a town where aside from Walter & Ava I have no one I can call family. And now, my cousin who was 1400km’s away is now a 9 hour flight away, a 6 hour time zone difference away.

I am devastated.

Footnote – if any of you have a black sheep of the family and are interested in offering support on my anonymous blog, please email me and I’ll send you the details – I could really use the support but NOT the judgment.