The Answer To The Most Asked Question

There is one single question that those of us who ttc for a very long time ponder, wonder about and ask about. It’s also one of the scariest questions to think about and during the most difficult times, it’s the most frightening question to try to answer for oneself, at least, it was for me anyway.

I’ve seen it asked a million times on various support forums. I thought about it a million times during our 7+ year journey to parenthood.

When is it time to stop trying? When is it time to give up on the dream? How long do we keep trying? How long will it take for our dream to be realized. (I’m not referring to treatment exclusively when I speak of trying, I refer to pursuing and exhausting every avenue to parenthood – treatment, surrogacey, donors, adoption)

I found a brilliant answer to this question through my Twitter account. As someone who has made it to the other side, become a mother, is experiencing parenthood, its definitley the answer I’d give now. Obviously, its easy to give this answer now, now that I’ve made it, now that my dream has been realized. But it’s also the answer I gave for years and years when asked if I’d give up, when I’d give up on the dream. Granted, my answer was not so eloquent, but it came down to the same thing.

I started following The Daily Love on Twitter and have begun reading the blog posting and Mastin’s answer to this question that we struggle with is simply brilliant! I loved it! It says exactly what I’ve wanted to say for years, but could not find the words. It’s exactly what I’d answer to my fellow IF’ers now, it’s exactly the answer I’ve given myself for years. The answer also felt as it it gave me permission, in a way, to be stubborn about clining to a much sought after, much desired dream.

The answer is so simple, how long to do you try??? UNTIL!

Go here to read the full piece on this profound and simple answer to the question we have all grappled with.

Obviously, for some of us, the dream will morph into something else along the way, so I’m by no means saying that for those have decided to stop trying that they gave up to soon, didn’t believe in the dream enough, or didn’t want it enough. I’m simply saying that if the drive to have a child is so strong, if the dream is so vivid and the desire so great to experience motherhood, then we try – until!

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  • Reply Julia

    I also follow The Daily Love on Twitter and have their blog in my reader. Beautiful, profound stuff. I loved that particular post.

    June 13, 2011 at 10:13 pm
  • Reply hanneke001

    Oh how beautifull !!

    June 14, 2011 at 7:49 am
  • Reply Joyce

    I like this, Sharon… it is so true. And for various people, that UNTIL varies so completely! I often think about our/my path of infertility and my miscarriages and then I realise that for me the miscarriages that I had were not as traumatic as it had been for some of my friends. I have been trying to figure out why. A friend of mine reminded me that I said to her long ago that I would love to have a baby, but I am not so keen on the whole pregnancy thing and then I also remembered long before my husband and I got together I said that I would be totally keen on adoption. Obviously when it came to the crunch and I could really not keep a pregnancy, it was a much harder decision. My UNTIL moment was when I realised that I was always meant to adopt a baby. I really believe this is the path that has been set out for me/us. Of course my husband is totally in love with our child, so I am sure it was his path too 🙂

    June 14, 2011 at 8:56 am
  • Reply Joyce

    I love this, Sharon… it is so true. And everyone’s UNTIL moment is completely different. I could never understand why my miscarriages and infertility issues didn’t destroy me as much as it did my friends. I was trying very hard to figure this out and then a friend of mine reminded me that I told her a long time ago that I would love to have a baby, but I was not so keen on being pregnant. I also remembered that long long ago, before I even knew my husband, I said that I would like to adopt a child one day and give a child a chance in life that might not have had one otherwise. I therefore believe my UNTIL moment was the day when I realised that I am not destroyed by not being pregnant and giving birth to a child at all, but that I just really want a baby of my own. Luckily my husband felt the same way and he is totally smitten with our daughter 🙂

    June 14, 2011 at 11:15 am
  • Reply maggsbunny

    Love it!

    June 14, 2011 at 1:22 pm
  • Reply reluctantmom

    UNTIL! who knew that the clarity is in the simple truths …… love it, thanks for this, came at a good time, as do the most important things.

    June 14, 2011 at 2:56 pm
  • Reply Chrisle

    Prayed about it last night

    June 15, 2011 at 5:51 pm
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