The Difference Between Hope & Faith

Last night, via some frantic MSN conversation, I had a quick catch up with a very old friend of mine. We hadn’t spoken in a couple of months and so I was filling her in on all the news of how this IVF has progressed, she, like everybody else seems convinced that this is it for me. I must be honest, everyone that is cheering me on in this manner make me really nervous. If you’ve never had IVF, you probably won’t understand, but a failed IVF is really not the same as a failed timed cycle or IUI. In comparison to those treatments, IVF is a massive financial, physical and emotional investment. Its hard and the fall from a BFN is like no other.  Because of how my fertility journey has panned out, I’ve actually developed a kind of tongue in cheek theory. See, we started with timed cycles and then went straight to IVF, then backwards to IUI and then back to timed cycles. So by starting with the big guns and learning early on just how tough fertility treatment can be, it made coping with the IUI”s and Timed Cycle so much easier. I always joke and say that Dr’s should start all patients with an IVF, just because it makes coping with timed cycles and IUI’s so much easier. Not that I want to take away from anyone who’s battled in a 2ww, I know its all hard, its just that an IVF is hard in a very different kind of way.

So here I am back at the big guns again. I’m 3 days into the worst kind of 2ww and I’m battling. I’m scared that every-ones conviction is setting me up for a HUGE fall. I’m so afraid of coping with another failed IVF, of dealing with the pain and loss that one experiences.  But at the same time I want to believe this is it as well but having never had a BFP from fertility ttreatment, lets just say I will be more surprised if the treatment is a success than if it fails.

But my conversation with my friend last night got me thinking about something very cleaver that she said, she asked me how I was feeling and I said I was hopeful. She told me I needed to change my hope into faith because having hope is like saying please but having faith is saying thank you.

So I’m trying to change my mindset to one of faith, I’m trying to have faith that this is it. She also told me to be specific when I prayed about it, to thank God for the details, so I’m trying to change my mind set. I’m trying to have faith and to believe that this round of treatment will yield a positive pregnancy, with a singleton, that will develop into a healthy pregnancy and a live birth and at full term.

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  • Reply CeCe Garrett

    I wish I could hug your friend! I know its been a really hard road for you.. I know that this has to be the most difficult thing youve ever done. I pray that in 37 short weeks you are holding a sweet little miracle of your own. I wont try to tell you that I’m not totally freaked about our first and only IVF coming up. I am scared outta my head.. we can only afford one IVF cycle. So I won’t try to blow rainbows and bunny butts up your skirt… but I will tell you this… I know you are going to be blessed. I know this because you have blessed me with your words, your honesty, your perspective. For each of us you bless? You have been blessed tenfold. Think about that… you HAVE.. not you might or you could… you have. And sister? you have blessed me.

    March 20, 2009 at 8:18 am
  • Reply Misty

    What a wise friend. I am going to follow that advise. Just Believe, Shaz. Just believe.

    March 20, 2009 at 8:44 am
  • Reply Lea White

    As always know that I am keeping you in my prayers and thoughts. The only thing I will say is take a deep breath and focus just on now, push those “what if” thoughts right out of you head because those thoughts tend to drive us mad and does nothing to speed up the time.

    And here is a virtual hug just for you!!!!

    March 20, 2009 at 8:52 am
  • Reply skrambled

    That is very good advice. I keep telling myself that the outcome of my IVF has already been determined and there is nothing I can do about it now. Whatever the result I will deal with it when I get there. Until then I remain positive and keep telling myself that it is going to work. I know that this is very hard to do, believe me I am having my bad days aswell. But what can we do! The only thing we can do is have faith. Otherwise we have nothing.
    Thinking of you so much!!

    March 20, 2009 at 9:22 am
  • Reply C

    It’s only hope and faith that keep going on this awful road. Good Luck for the 2ww and may your faith be rewarded.

    March 20, 2009 at 10:13 am
  • Reply WiseGuy

    What a nice thing to suggest! Awesome friend!

    March 20, 2009 at 11:48 am
  • Reply Yvonne

    Your friend sounds very wise indeed.

    Am hoping your wait goes quickly (as if!!!) and that POAS yields a BFP soon, soon, soon!!!

    Checking in you all the time…


    March 20, 2009 at 12:36 pm
  • Reply katie

    My mom always says something like that. She says to thank God, not ask. So thank him for my beautiful baby and healthy pregnancy. I really like the way your friend said it! I may have to “steal” that! I’ve been thinking about you! Xo

    March 20, 2009 at 2:53 pm
  • Reply Jo

    I love that perspective. You are truly blessed to have such a friend.

    March 20, 2009 at 2:57 pm
  • Reply Jo

    I borrowed your friend’s advice, BTW, and mentioned this post in my “As A Matter of Faith” post today. I hope you don’t mind!

    March 20, 2009 at 3:20 pm
  • Reply Sweetpea

    I understand exactly what you mean. It’s tough. I have to say, though, that I don’t think that hope can be bad. From my point of view, hope is not what is going to hurt, it helps you get through tough times. Hope has a purpose. It’s the fear that hurts, but that fear would be there with or without hope so you might as well grab some comforting hope along the way. A BFN will hurt tremendously no matter what, so why not hold onto hope as long as you can. But then, everyone’s experience and feelings are obviously different and ultimately you will find your own special way through these tough two weeks. I’m thinking of you.

    March 20, 2009 at 3:50 pm
  • Reply Emmah

    Your friend is right faith makes things possible, I am currently reading a book tittle “How to fight the good fight of Faith”. It has kept me sane during 2ww. I believe in my heart that this is it for you.

    March 20, 2009 at 4:10 pm
  • Reply Hollie

    OHMYGOSH! This was the most perfect post for me at the most perfect time, Did I EVER NEED THIS TODAY!!! God’s perfection is wondrous! I know this isn’t all about ME, but I needed you to know that THIS STRUCK ME BIG TIME! Your friend is so right about Hope and Faith, but I never thought of it that way. With your permission, I want to put this on my blog in the “Posts I like” section. It puts into words emotions that I just can’t explain, in just a beautiful way.

    “lets just say I will be more surprised if the treatment is a success than if it fails.”

    That sentence I had to read over and over and over again. Here I sit, and I know how to feel if it fails, but don’t know how to feel if its a success. It is friggin brand new territory for my brain, and we just don’t know how to handle it. BUT with all that I am, in the depths of my soul, I pray so much that this works out for you and you get to wander into uncharted territory with me. This made me realize that we don’t just need hope, but we need FAITH!

    March 20, 2009 at 5:19 pm
  • Reply littlesteps

    I love love love what your friend said. I think it’s so easy to hope instead of have faith. I’m going to keep that in mind during my own 2ww, and I pray that things continue to go well for you.

    March 20, 2009 at 7:28 pm
  • Reply Elize

    I’m so glad you found some strength in what your friend said. I also share your concern when people say they know this is it. It raises a kind of exepectation that we didn’t quite have before and it is a scary place to be in, but I really do hope and pray that that expectation will be true! I haven’t done IVF before, I can only experience it through your eyes, and I can see that it is absolute hell. To be honest my faith had a lot to be desired for, I kept praying and asking God to give me faith, even if its as small as a mustard seed. I feel embarassed at my unbelief. But unfortunately that’s the way it is. It’s great that you are trying to change your mindset. Hang in there hon, the time to test is almost here! (((HUGS)))

    March 20, 2009 at 10:56 pm
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