Ava asked Father Christmas last year if she could have a trampoline for Christmas and her daddy kinda promised her that Father Christmas would deliver on that promise and there would be a trampoline. Of course the promised trampoline did not arrive on Christmas day, due largely in part to our then postage stamp sized garden. Fast forward to our move and we now have a garden with ample space for a trampoline. So this week I reminded daddy of his promise to Miss Ava-Gracie and off we went in search of the perfect trampoline for our princess…..

I finally found what we were looking for on Wednesday and roped the husband in to going with me to purchase said trampoline, and thank goodness I did. The first warning sign of what lay ahead was watching Walter stroll casually over to the box in Game, bend down and hoist it up onto the trolley. Hoist being not exactly what happened. Rather a lot of huffing and puffing and ffffffff*cking…. The thing weight 48kg’s!

Now, being the AMAZING wife I am *snigger*  I had agreed to Walter going away for a boys fishing weekend this weekend, leaving on Friday, which meant that all his bate and hook preparation and packing would happen on Thursday evening before he left on Friday, which meant that, unless I was willing to wait a week, which I wasn’t, Walter and I would have to set up the trampoline on Wednesday evening.

No problem we have a well lit garden and amidst squeals of delight from Ava-Gracie, we set to work setting it up.

Time Check – 17h30!

We open the box and immediately I see the colour drain from Walter’s face, the trampoline is inside the box in about 250 different sized pieces!

But hey, there’s an instruction manual, how hard can it possibly be right?


We lay out all the pieces and start reading the instruction guide and assembling the ring, only to discover that the box the trampoline came packaged in is deceptively small  and that the bloody trampoline is so huge we now need to move off the patio and into the garden to set it up.


We set up the legs and the ring… easy peasy!

Then in go all the springs and I’m think yeah! This is a piece of pie man!

We lay out the canvas and it’s at this point that:

  1. the sun starts setting and it gets dark
  2. the instruction manual starts throwing out mathematics – not my strong point – 15, 22 wtf???

Anyway, we start hooking the springs into the canvas, get half way around the trampoline and then realize, it’s suddenly gotten impossibly difficult to stretch the canvas to the spring. No amount of tugging, sweating, foot bracing is getting the spring into the canvas. So Walter decides to read the instruction manual and oops, I’ve read the instructions wrong and the numbers reflected are how many spaces to leave open as you move around inserting the springs into the canvas in order to get it to stretch all the way across before tensioning it.

Right! Undue all the hooks!

Take 2 – start randomly re-hooking everything. It’s as this point in the pitch dark, when the garden lights decide they operate as security lights, so they will only stay on if someone is doing the Macarena in front of them. Que me and my lovely Macarena moves.

By this stage, Walters low patience gauge is now running on empty. It’s dropped way into the red zone. So each time I stop doing the Macarena and it gets pitch dark, he starts with his fffffffff*cking!

In the end, thanks to his engineers brain, we used a rachet to winch the canvas across the support structure. Using our feet braced against the external ring, lots of groaning, tugging, swearing and moaning, bum’s soaked through from the dew on the grass. But we were NOT beaten by the f’ing trampoline.

We DID IT! In 3.5 hours yes, that would be HOURS! We both went to bed with blistered hands, sore shoulders and aching legs from the exertion of setting up the bloody trampoline and we both learned a lesson: planning plus paying someone for your trampoline installation is FAR easier than trying to do it yourself!

But it was so worth it when Ava-Grace saw the trampoline in the garden and 6am and started screeching with excitement and insisted on having a good jump on it before going to school.

There is nothing we wouldn’t do for this exquisite child!