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This Factory Is Closed (Even Though It Never Really Opened!)

Laura blogged this morning about whether or not she was sad that her baby factory was closed after the birth of her 4th baby a couple of weeks ago. It reminded me of a conversation I had about a week ago with one of our social workers.

She called me early on Saturday morning and knocked my socks off ….. discussing the possibility of placing a baby boy with us.

My heart skipped a beat and for about 0.00005th of a second I actually seriously considered it. But then I remembered… I’m an infertile in recovery. I have two children, I actually DON’T want any more and so I politely (read shouted are you crazy) asked her to close our file and never ever tempt me with more spawn again.

I think each parent has a limit where they feel complete, fulfilled, enough by the number of children they have. For some that figure is one, for some two or three or four or more. I don’t think there is a right or wrong answer here, I just think to each his own. For me, the number is definitely two. I don’t want any more children.

I can’t imagine going back to have a tiny baby again, I don’t want to. In fact, I’d go so far as to say that I am SO over babies I battle to even find other people’s wrinkly, little old men looking baby’s cute. I don’t want to go back to sleepless nights, constipation, collic, sensory disorders, post placement stress, all the milestones, first smile, first laugh, sitting unaided, standing crawling, walking. It now holds ZERO appeal for me. None. Niks. Nada. They say baby’s get easier as they grow up, I respectfully disagree, for me anyway, it’s hasn’t gotten easier, it’s just gotten different. The work load is massive, coordinating everyone’s schedules is already a mare in our two income home and Hannah hasn’t even started school or extra murals yet.

That aside, I struggle to imagine how we could possibly afford to raise more children? Education is expensive, quality education even more so. Again, each to his own, different parents have different priorities. Some people believe all a child needs is love, but I want to give my girls more than that. I want to give them love and education and travel and opportunity and to explore their talents and to throw the door wide open to possibly for them and being the realist that I am, I know these things cost money.

All I kept thinking during the conversation with our social worker, was not what another baby, a boy at that, would be adding to our family, but rather, what I’d be taking away from my girls were we to add to our family. We can’t afford to put 3 children through private schooling, gah, we can barely afford to put two through private schooling. Then there is extra murals and university and all of things cost money, lots and lots of money. Granted, it’s not a necessity in raising a child, well, for me it is, for us, we want those things for our girls and that’s when I realized, I’m done.

Our family is complete. There will be no more babies. I don’t want any more babies. I am well and truly comfortable, content and utterly complete with our family the way it is.

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22 Comments

  • Emy

    February 26, 2014 at 11:25 am

    Our ‘factory’ is closed too. Unless we win the Lotto, then it will reopen for 1 more baby. We have the same idea’s as you about parenting. And sending Jae to a good school and providing for her to be well educated is far more important than giving her a brother or sister.

    Reply
  • Katherine Van Der Walt

    February 26, 2014 at 11:51 am

    So strange, I think I may have said yes. It’s the pregnancy bit I don’t like and my memories of the newborn-phase have faded so much. Only other issue is with Ava turning 5 this year and Zoe 7, I’d probably need 2 more so the last one wouldn’t be too lonely!!

    Reply
  • Mrs FF

    February 26, 2014 at 11:58 am

    Comment take 2! Yep each to their own magic no.
    For hubby and I we’ve decided this magic no is 1. My poor hubby after being up for the first few nights after our baby was born exclaimed how do people have more than one!!!!

    Reply
  • Sandra

    February 26, 2014 at 12:28 pm

    Gosh, I wish I was there yet. But our little family needs/wants/longs and prays for one more miracle! Enjoy your family,your little girls are beautiful! Thank you for sharing your superb blog, I am a faithful follower.

    Reply
  • Pandora

    February 26, 2014 at 12:49 pm

    I have times when I would love 1 more but in reaity I thiink our magic number is 1. Often people feel an only child is lonely, but that is as non convincing a reason to me to have another as ‘who will look after you in your old age’ is for having any. Neither is guaranteed. Siblings don’t always get on, not even as grownups. Also, L has never requested a brother or sister, I think she also likes things the way they are. So we are a happy family of 3.

    Reply
  • Tracey

    February 26, 2014 at 4:19 pm

    My magic number is two. Motherhood does not come naturally to me at all. When I was told a hysterectomy was best for my health, I privately dud a happy dance

    Reply
  • Robyn

    February 27, 2014 at 3:01 pm

    I think I would do it again, but for finances.. for all the very reasons you have mentioned in your post.. I need to give Liam and Hannah the best that I can.. adding another kid would make that difficult – its difficult as it is! I still look at newborns and feel my womb contracting!!! Hubby says he will leave if I fall pregnant! hahaha!!

    Reply
  • debbie

    February 28, 2014 at 10:54 am

    Love the family pic and yes 2 is enough for me as well. Between school activities (and my daughter is only in grade 2) and kiddies birthday parties (the kids have a better social life then us parents) When i look at big families I often wonder how they cope

    Reply
  • Samantha

    February 28, 2014 at 9:02 pm

    Three was mine. Always knew that I wanted 3. Absolutely no logical or reasonable answer why, but just knew. Took a few years to convince my husband. We have a 15 year old, 11 year old and soon to be 4 years . 41 years old when our son was born. Life is truly hectic but we love him to bits.

    Reply

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