I’m even too afraid to blog about this because I feel like such an idiot. My OCD HPT habit is in over drive!

So I was due for my blood test on Monday, which I felt was a total waste of time because I was completely symptomless and it was just a matter of hours before AF arrived. I was seriously impressed I’d even made it to blood test day without actually bleeding. I did an HPT and it was BFN! No surprises. I usually have a 14 day lutheal phase which meant that AF should actually have arrived of Sunday but ok, I’m back on treatment so its possible the meds have messed with my cycles a bit.

Yesterday I had to pop home quickly to meet my estate agent for a private viewing, of course, the first thing that crossed my mind was no af, lets POAS AGAIN! And wouldn’t you just know it, I had no sooner finished recapping the blasted thing when my estate agent arrived. Shocked at being caught red handed POAS, I flung the cursed thing into the back of the cupboard, and promptly forgot about it. Our viewers were extremely and annoyingly thorough and only left after an hour in the house. I dashed back into the bedroom, flung open the cupboard and snatched the blasted test out of there. Of course by now, its more than an hour since I pee’d on it, but guess what? BFP! I almost had a heart attack. Especially because I’d used my worst kind of HPT, a Clear Blue one. I hate them mostly because they do not allow for any indulgence of my OCD HPT behaviour. They’re either + or -, not like the others which you can stare at and sometimes imagine the evaporation line as a +. But there is was, the second blue line.

Then this morning, I recalled a friend of mine once telling me that HCG and LH are chemically similar and act in a similar way in our bodies, hence an OPK showing a strong + after having a trigger injection administered and that one could use an OPK as an HPT because by this stage of my cycle there should be no LH hormone. So, of course, OCD me, I went and POAS of the OPK kind this am and guess what? +

So now the true mind f*&^# begins. Because I’m to embarrassed/stubborn to go for a blood test and I’m seeing my RE on Friday. I figure if AF still hasn’t arrived by the time I go for my consult, he’s going to send me for one anyway. So my plan is to wait until the shops open at 09h00 this am, then I’ll be heading off to stock up on a secret stash of HPT’s to tide me over till either AF arrives of my Friday appointment with my RE.

I’m an unbeliever when it comes to HPT’s especially like this. Mostly because despite their claims of the impossibility of a false positive, for those of us who’ve had fertility treatment before, we all know how possible a false + actually is. Secondly, if I were to be pregnant now, this would be my 7th pregnancy and also the weirdest one of them all because it would be the first pregnancy without ANY symptoms!! Thirdly, I believe in miracles, but experience has taught me that they just don’t happen to me.

Wish me luck while I slowly loose my mind!