Ok, had my CD13 scan today and it appears that my right ovary must have heard me call it lazy yesterday when it only grew my follicle by 2mm in a two day period, because today my follicle had shot up by 4mm and was measuring 20mm. Lining all good, after a couple of pricks (thanks lovely veins) I had my E2 bloods done and I’m ready to trigger at 7pm this evening. Thaw will be on Sunday, Intralipds, God willing on Monday and transfer, again God willing, on Tuesday.

It suddenly hit me this am, that there is a possibility that this cycle may actually not go anywhere. That after the thaw on Sunday, when I arrive for my Intralipids on Monday, they may actually turn me away because my embryo’s may have degenerated. Its quite a sobering thought. Its a reminder (again) of how difficult the IVF path is, of how many pass/fail points we have to go through. I’ve had one cancelled IVF cycle, cancelled after ER, and it was a crushing blow, I suspect that having a FET cancelled right before transfer will be just as devastating.

I wish I could go back to the early days of this journey, back to the more basic, less high tec rounds of treatment. Back to the days when the emotional, financial and physical investment in an attempt wasn’t so completely overwhelming but I guess there’s no going back is there? When I was waiting for my scan this am, there was a couple in the waiting room with me, so full of excitement and anticipation ofย  their first IVF.ย  She kept saying over and over again to her hubbie how it was so cool that they’d know in about 3 weeks time that they were pregnant, I think she caught my smiling at her and at the innocence of her statement and so she asked me if I was also there for IVF. So I said yes, I didn’t want to elaborate because I didn’t want to freak her out. She then asked me if I’d had IVF before to which I said yes again. So then she asked if I was trying for baby no. 2 and I had to explain that no, after 4 fresh IVF’s, I was still in pursuit of baby no.1. The look of utter horror on her face when she turned to her husband and told him that it was stories like mine that terrified her. What would they do if they didn’t have success on IVF no. 1?

Keep trying I guess, what else are we to do?