Two Different Kinds Of Mommy’s

We are a visible family of 3 but actually there is a 4th, very important person in our family. There is Ava at our nucleus but there is also a daddy and 2 mommies, one mommy who carried her, nurtured her and bore her in her womb and another mommy, me, who prayed for her, longed for her and loved her from before she knew her. Ava was born from one mommies womb but from another mommies heart.

Today, on her 3rd birthday, we celebrate her life. But we also honour her birth mother. We remember every details of the Sunday she born, from the phone call informing us that our birth mom was in labour. I remember her moans of pain as she laboured, I remember how we held hands each time she was gripped by another painful contraction, I remember the way the birth room smelled of antiseptic and blood, I remember how overwhelmed I was, I remember the midwife and nurses who assisted during the birth. I remember our social workers soothing words and her calm voice each time things became a little intense. I remember our birth mom grinding out between gritted teeth how she wanted to, needed to, had to push. I remember seeing our daughters head crown, I remember the tuft of dark, wet hair as her head began to emerge. I remember the midwife saying something that I was to overwhelmed to hear, I remember our birth mom telling me to look at my beautiful daughter, I remember being past the clippers to cut her umbilical cord. I remember how she looked wrapped up in the blue surgical sheet after her agpar scores were taken. I remember walking blindly down the passage to another hospital room to introduce her to Walter. I remember the tears streaming down his face as his hands shook when he held her for the first time. I remember…..

Today is a joyful day. Today marks the end of our 7+ year struggle with infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss. We have been flooded with phone calls, text messages, Twitter messages and Face Book messages wishing Ava a very happy birthday and congratulating Walter and I but there is one person in our family who has not been acknowledged, one person without whom none of this would be possible. Our birth mother.

Today, as in every day, we honour you, we remember you.

Ironically I read a blog by another birth mother this morning and it really struck a chord with me because what she wrote was close to home, there is so much of what our own bith mom has told us that is in this post of Jill Elizabeth’s, please read here, this is a must read: The Wrong Question.

Yes, we are blessed by Ava but we are also blessed by her birth mother. Adoption is love, not self love, but the selfless love of a mother for her child. As with Jill Elizabeth, our own birth mother’s decision to place Ava had nothing to do with her own future or future happiness, it had nothing to do with Walter and I but it had everything to do with the love she felt for her unborn child, for the life she wanted for her child.

Today is bitter sweet for me, there is so much joy and so much to celebrate but there is also sadness knowing that today, a woman I love so very much more than anyone can ever know or understand, is hurting, that she is missing Ava and just like I have so many memories of this day 3 years ago, she has the same memories but while my memories bring joy, hers must surely bring sadness.

So yes, I am a mommy, but I’m only one of the important mommy’s in Ava’s life, her other mommy deserves the same recognition and she deserves to be remembered and honoured today too.

I dedicate this to our beautiful birth mother, *I* this is for you and for me and the equally important roles we play in our beautiful daughters life!

Once there were two women who never knew each other,

One you do not remember — the other you call Mother.

Two different lives shaped to make yours one.

One became your guiding star — the other became your sun.

The first gave you life and the second

Taught you to live in it.

The first gave you a need for love

And the second was there to give it.

One gave you a nationality; the other gave you a name.

One gave you the seed of talent; the other gave you an aim.

One gave you emotions; the other calmed your fears.

One saw your first sweet smile; the other dried your tears.

One gave you up

It was all that she could do.

The other prayed for a child

And God led her straight to you.

And now you ask me through your tears

The age old question through the years:

Heredity or Environment –

Which are you the product of?

 Neither my darling, neither –

Just two different kinds of love.

Till we meet again darling *I*, my soul sister, the woman I admire and respect above all other, till we meet again…

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  • Reply Imrah

    This is beautiful. Happy birthday to Ava.

    December 13, 2012 at 1:43 pm
  • Reply Tracy

    A beautiful recognition of the importance of Ava’s birth mother. Happy Birthday to Ava, the beat of many hearts!

    December 13, 2012 at 2:46 pm
  • Reply Manie

    Happy Birthday Dad, Mom and little Ava!! x

    December 13, 2012 at 3:08 pm
  • Reply genevieve


    December 13, 2012 at 3:53 pm
  • Reply ankia


    December 13, 2012 at 3:58 pm
  • Reply kaleigh

    Goosebumps!! X

    December 13, 2012 at 4:29 pm
  • Reply panjels

    Beautiful Sharon! As each day goes by with our new little bundle of love…. I understand deeper, what this love means. Sacrificial love is just the most beautiful… and redemptive.

    You know what, if I had to guess….. i’d say your birth mom has more than one emotion at this time…. I think that she finds comfort and joy as well, knowing the family that Ava has with you and Walter and that she is so loved and protected!


    December 13, 2012 at 6:23 pm
  • Reply Robyn

    So beautifully said – you made me cry (Again)! Sending you all so much love. xxx

    December 14, 2012 at 9:05 am
  • Reply Fairy Girl

    You have such a beautiful way with words. You had me in tears. Ava is a very, very blessed little girl.

    December 14, 2012 at 12:37 pm
  • Reply Melanie

    I also felt deeply for our birth mom (Jano’s BM). something my mom and hubby dont understand. even my granny said to me stop thinking about her. i want to meet her, i want to share my joy of Jano with her. I’m thinking every day about Jano’s bm. I still see her in my memomry. the white capri pants she wore the beautiful straight black hair. her beautiful brown eyes.

    unfortunatley. we did not have the same experience with Liam’s bm. it was a 5 min meeting. she wanted to get out of the safe house as soon as she can, we tried to reach her thru our SW but she asked not to be contacted. i can’t remember how she looked. 🙁 she was small, had her hair in ‘n pony and refuse to look us in the eyes. 🙁

    December 17, 2012 at 9:10 pm
  • Reply Mash

    Happy Birthday Ava. So much love and so many blessings surrounding that little girl … I quoted this in our profile: “He is mine in a way he will never be hers, yet he is hers in a way that he will never be mine. And, so, together, WE are motherhood.” ~ Desha Wood, birthmother. I love our birthmother already, even though I have never met her and she may not even be pregnant yet. I pray for her at night!

    January 3, 2013 at 3:23 pm
  • Reply stephanie videira

    beautiful said

    December 13, 2016 at 7:22 am
  • Reply Sharleen

    Wow! Happy Birthday Ava you are a lucky girl xx

    December 13, 2016 at 7:43 am
    • Reply Sharon

      She is indeed, not one, but two mothers!

      December 13, 2016 at 8:54 am
  • Reply Mom Of Two Little Girls

    Wow. I’m crying tears of sadness and joy reading your ode to her. Beautifully written. May you all continue to be blessed. Happy birthday Ava. X

    December 13, 2016 at 8:09 am
    • Reply Sharon

      Thank you so much!

      December 13, 2016 at 8:53 am

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