After the shocking news of Elize’s loss yesterday and her planned D&C today, I’ve taken a few steps back and I’m back to asking to TTC or CTT?

Where will this all end? Will there be a happy ending? Will it actually be worth all the heartache and pain? I really really don’t know the answers to all these questions. I do know that the news of Elize’s fourth loss has sent me into a downward spiral, even further into the black depression that has been engulfing me for weeks, now complete with extreme anxiety and even a little panic attack thrown in for good measure yesterday. I really hope that my RE will come back to me today with that script for the AD’s, I clearly need them.

I’m back to questioning whether we should push ahead or not, whether we should give up our frozen embryo’s for adoption. I know thinking of this absolutely terrifies me, but so does going on right now.

Perhaps I shouldn’t be making any decisions right now.