Have u ever read Tertai’s blog? More specifically, have you ever read the postings titled: IVF Barbie? If you haven’t I’d highly recommend that you do, not only is it absolutely hilarious, but regardless of where you are in your infertility journey, there is a barbie you will be able to relate to.

I am Veteran Barbie through and through, I have been Veteran Barbie for quite a number of years, we’re into our 8th year of trying, I reckon I hit veteran state somewhere between my 5th and 6th year of trying, somewhere in the midst of a haze of IVF’s, I realized I was Veteran Barbie. So who is Veteran Barbie? Let me quote:

Veteran Barbie:
Veteran Barbies are not at all related to the Barbies above. Veteran Barbies are the Anti-Barbie. They are a whole lot plumper than the Newbie Barbies, less perky (in boobs and attitude), have grayer hair, a largely negative and over-drawn bank balance, plenty of bruises and marks and a slightly cynical attitude. They are dressed in comfy track pants with elasticated waistbands. Their accessories include a wealth of knowledge of reproductive procedures and protocol, the ability to practically do their own cycle, a snarky attitude, little tolerance for stupidity, a well defined sense of humor, the ability to laugh at themselves, a fondness for wine/beer/crack and a aversion to pineapple, baby dust and Newbie Barbies. This aversion in its more severe form can be allergic and acerbic. Veteran Barbies tend to swear quite a bit (especially when playing in the Barbie House with Newbie Barbies and Pregnant Newbie Barbies) and parental guidance is advised.

And then somewhere in the last couple of months, somewhere during the process of grieving my 4th failed IVF cycle, somewhere in between coping daily with the grief of my 6 pregnancy losses, somewhere between trying to pretend like I was coping fine, somewhere between trying to decide if we should continue to try or decide to live child free. Somewhere in between living in denial, somewhere in between the drunken evenings spent drinking copious amounts of wine and champagne cocktails (see how Veteran barbie I am?) with Veteran & IVF Barbie’s, I realized that I had gone a step past just being Veteran Barbie,  I was Veteran Barbie, but with a harder edge, a bitchier streak and so, introducing Bitchy Barbie:

bitchbarbieSo who is Bitchy Barbie? In essence, she’s the same at Veteran Barbie but worse, way more hardcore, way more snarky and way more bitchy. Bitchy Barbie is so sick and tired of discussing infertility, infertility treatments and her infertility history. Bitchy Barbie is sick and tired of pity parties with IVF Barbie and Veteran Barbie, lamenting the age old question of why me? Bitchy Barbie doesn’t care about why her anymore, she asks the question why NOT me? Bitchy Barbie does not participate in support forums, because baby dust makes her skin crawl, because if she has to read about one more “infertile” falling pregnant from her first round of Clomid she’s gonna scream, wishing it could be her, because she can’t bare to read about one more infertile lamenting the difficulties of a 2ww from a timed cycle, because she’s survived through the dreaded 2ww of an IVF or even worse, the waiting between beta tests confirming an impending miscarriage. Bitchy Barbie battles to play nice in the Barbie House, Bitchy Barbie copes best when surrounded by other Bitchy Barbies, sadly though, they are few and far between so often Bitchy Barbie feels lonely and isolated, even when surrounded by other IVF and Veteran Barbie’s.

So yes, there is a new kind of  Barbie and I know Bitchy Barbie because I have become Bitchy Barbie. Unlike Veteran Barbie who is tired but willing, no matter how bad her attitude is. Bitchy Barbie is unwilling to continue on. Lets see, perhaps Bitchy Barbie will morph into another kind of Barbie, perhaps even a willing one, with a little bit more time.