question-markWe have some decisions to make. We have some very important things to think about and some big decisions to make. Not decisions that can be made quickly or taken lightly. Big decisions to be made. But ones that we’ll only be able to make after I’ve had my follow up appointment with our RE on the 20th November.

We don’t have a lot of options left, it basically comes down to the fact that W and I fall into the category of unexplained infertility. Nobody really knows why we keep having the same outcome. Initially Dr G believed it was because of how messed up physically I was on the inside – hydrosalpinges, polyp, septum, scarring, pelvic lesions, all of these things could have and probably did play some part in my miscarriages. But it would seem there is something else at play as well. All those physical conditions have been repaired, physically, on the inside, I’m all shiny and perfect, there should be no reason why. W has a good quality, high sperm count. So no issues there. I stim like a 30 year old and produce, what looks like on the outside, to be beautiful quality eggs. We have a very high fertilization rate with no embryo’s dying off during the first 3 days, all the embryo’s that were grown to 5 days all hatched and had the ability to attach. They do attach as seen with my FET, they attach, they start growing and then somewhere around 5 weeks of pregnancy or 3 weeks post conception, they just stop. Something goes wrong and my embryo’s just stop growing. I’ve been tested for every conceivable thing under the sun, I have no auto immune issues, no blood thinning diseases, I had Intralipids of over active natural killer cells, so there really is only one explanation as to why this keeps happening.

Somehow, someway, there is a genetic issue with our embryo’s, of course this is all speculation and yet to be proven. There is only one way to prove it, add a donor to the mix. We’ve already tried donor sperm as part of our first & second IVF attempts,  without success, so the logical follow on from there is to try donor eggs. You see, while the RE’s say that we produce high quality embryo’s the point is, they’re graded according to what they can see on the outside, they cannot see inside the cells of the embryo’s, they cannot truly tell if genetically all is ok. Now I know at this point some people would ask about PGD and my answer to that is… been there, done that. PGD is a very old technology and it tests for very few genetic anomalies so you could still miss out on literally hundreds of genetic issues.

I’m not even sure if my RE is going to encourage DE just yet, he mentioned it as a last resort and may well feel we should give it another shot with my eggs, but to be honest, I’m not sure I’m willing to do this to myself again. I’m not sure I have what it takes to get pregnant again only to miscarry again. I would rather try with donor eggs than with my own eggs but at the same token, I’m not sure I want to try again at all… we’ll have to see…

Our other option is adoption, something, I’ve always felt called to. So for now, W and I are weighting up our options and asking for God’s guidance as we face these huge decisions.