I know there is no answer to this question. I know there is no point to this blog posting. I know we’ll never know. But God? WHY???

Why does my womb remain barren and my heart yearning for a second child when there are babies thrown away or wombs ripe with babies that can’t be born?

Today has been a very painful day. It’s been a day of reminders. A day of receiving news too painful to imagine.

A Twitter friend who’s friend found a living, breathing new born baby, thrown in a Dustbin in Centurion. A perfectly healthy baby boy thrown away like a piece of garbage, unwanted, discarded. Why God? Why couldn’t you give that baby to me? Why couldn’t you have given him to anyone of my friends who yearn so desperately for a child to call there own?

One of my closest friends has been through hell this year. What started out as a silly accident has spiraled into her worst nightmare. One wrong move off a step resulting in a broken foot has spiraled into a nightmare of 6 months of hospital stays, surgeries and then deep vein thrombosis (DVT) that just won’t let up. Treatment after treatment of Warfarin that just won’t bring her blood levels to within normal range or dissolve the DVT that is potentially life threatening. And today news with an impossible decision. Finding out she’s 4 weeks pregnant and being booked for a termination next week. Between the Warfarin and the DVT there is little chance of a healthy baby or of her surviving the pregnancy and birth.


I’m so desperately sad for a child who’s life has started as unwanted.

For a friend forced to make a painful decision, end the life of her unborn child to save her own. Sacrifice her unborn child for the sake of her living children, for the sake of her husband.

For the impossible wait we face while my heart aches for a second child. A little brother or sister for Ava, another precious soul to expand our family and burst our hearts with even more joy.