Will It Ever Feel Real?

So after much urging from Yvonne, I finally pulled finger and joined a Parenting Support Forum. The problem … I feel like a fraud! Like I don’t belong. Like I’m some kind of hoaxer living someone elses life. My little darling is 11 weeks old on Sunday and it still hasn’t sunk in that she’s my daughter, I’m her mother. Do you think it ever will?

So I joined the parenting forum and so far, all I’ve managed to do is post a “I’m New” posting. I can’t seem to bring myself to join in any of the conversations or to give advice or answer questions. I feel like the outsider looking in, convinced that they’re going to figure out I’m a fraud at any minute. A fake Mamma and not the real deal at all.

I’m guessing that most infertiles go through this to some degree or another?? Right? I think my situation is exacerbated by the fact that I literally had a 6 day pregnancy, maybe if I had more time it would feel more real?

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  • Reply Caragh

    I think that most people go through this when they have children…
    Its this little life that is suddenly all yours, your responsible for her.. without you her needs wont be met..

    But I think because you became a mother so suddenly and after such a long and hard struggle its probably making the situation a lot more difficult.

    Hang in there.. I think one day you’ll wake up and it will all feel a bit more real.

    March 6, 2010 at 8:37 am
  • Reply Julia

    Some mommies are very competitive and “perfect” with super genius perfect babies and there are times when I also feel inadequate in a way. I have not had your infertility experience but I can tell you this: It will pass. There are times when it will flare up and then other times it will be OK. Hang in there..xx

    March 6, 2010 at 9:10 am
  • Reply Pandora

    Yes, it will. I also went from being to childless to a mom in a few days. I felt like I didn’t belong in the first mommy’s group I joined, like I was intruding, and had no place there. Other than that, it did not take me too long to feel like a mom. I do post a bit in the Mommy’s forums.
    If someone gives birth for the first time, I imagine they know about as much as we do about babies. They have carried that baby for nine months, but they also meet them for the first time when they are born. So you are not a fraud, you are a real Mamma! You will see that in her eyes when she looks at you, and smiles whenever she sees you.
    My sister said the first time her daughter called her Mommy, she actually looked around to see who she was talking to!

    March 6, 2010 at 7:22 pm
  • Reply Colleen

    i have born three children out of my body and i still feel like a fraud, some days we are kinder to ourselves than others ((hugs))

    March 7, 2010 at 7:35 am
  • Reply Yvonne

    Yay Shaz, I’m so glad that you’ve joined!!!

    Firstly, I’d just like to say that I had the standard, ‘easy’ experience – fell pregnant on the pill, uncomplicated 9 month pregnancy, vaginal birth etc etc…and I *STILL* felt like a total fraud for the first while. It does take a looooong time to sink in, but it’ll eventually happen. Obviously because your circumstances are so vastly different it may take even longer for you – but I promise it will happen. Even now my (almost) 5 year old daughter will call “Mommy!” across a crowded room and I get a sudden jolt of pride when I realise she is all mine 😉

    Next, you’ve effectively joined a community – think of it as moving somewhere new. It’s natural to feel a bit like an outsider…it just takes time. The next time you have some worry about AG (and I’m sure it won’t be long if you’re anything like me, lol!) then just head on over and ask advice about constipation, or teething, or sleepless nights (god forbid) etc. They will rally around you, and you will feel all the better for not being alone in it. Slowly they will become your support group, if you allow them to. They really are a fantastic group of women…it just takes time!


    March 7, 2010 at 4:16 pm
  • Reply SCY

    My friend believe it. You’re a Mommy to a beautiful little girl. Revel in it.


    March 7, 2010 at 8:16 pm
  • Reply Denise

    I honestly don’t know if it will, we had J’s birthday party on Saturday afternoon and I almost had to pinch myself. Can this really be happening? We’ve been a family for 8 months and most days I still don’t believe it. Like you said our “pregnancies” were pretty short…

    March 8, 2010 at 9:08 am
  • Reply Abs

    You sure don’t look, act or sound like a fraud Shaz! You are doing a great job as Ava’s mommy and if she could, I’m sure she’d tell you just that! Go give out some advice on your forum Shaz. It’s what you’ve always done so well so please don’t stop now. Those ladies will be so grateful to hear what you have to say about your own personal experience of being a mommy.


    March 8, 2010 at 9:52 am
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